When I had gone through this work I was extremely delighted with it. The boat
was really much bigger than ever I saw a canoe or periagua, that was made of one
tree, in my life. Many a weary stroke it had cost, you may be sure; and had I gotten
it into the water, I make no question, but I should have begun the maddest voyage,
and the most unlikely to be performed, that ever was undertaken.
But all my devices to get it into the water failed me; though they cost me infinite
labour too. It lay about one hundred yards from the water, and not more; but the
first inconvenience was, it was up hill towards the creek. Well, to take away this
discouragement, I resolved to dig into the surface of the earth, and so make a declivity:
this I began, and it cost me a prodigious deal of pains (but who grudge pains who
have their deliverance in view?); but when this was worked through, and this difficulty
managed, it was still much the same, for I could no more stir the canoe than I could
the other boat. Then I measured the distance of ground, and resolved to cut a dock
or canal, to bring the water up to the canoe, seeing I could not bring the canoe
down to the water. Well, I began this work; and when I began to enter upon it, and
calculate how deep it was to be dug, how broad, how the stuff was to be thrown out,
I found that, by the number of hands I had, being none but my own, it must have
been ten or twelve years before I could have gone through with it; for the shore
lay so high, that at the upper end it must have been at least twenty feet deep;
so at length, though with great reluctancy, I gave this attempt over also.
This grieved me heartily; and now I saw, though too late, the folly of beginning
a work before we count the cost, and before we judge rightly of our own strength
to go through with it.
In the middle of this work I finished my fourth year in this place, and kept
my anniversary with the same devotion, and with as much comfort as ever before;
for, by a constant study and serious application to the Word of God, and by the
assistance of His grace, I gained a different knowledge from what I had before.
I entertained different notions of things. I looked now upon the world as a thing
remote, which I had nothing to do with, no expectations from, and, indeed, no desires
about: in a word, I had nothing indeed to do with it, nor was ever likely to have,
so I thought it looked, as we may perhaps look upon it hereafter - viz. as a place
I had lived in, but was come out of it; and well might I say, as Father Abraham
to Dives, "Between me and thee is a great gulf fixed."
In the first place, I was removed from all the wickedness of the world here;
I had neither the lusts of the flesh, the lusts of the eye, nor the pride of life.
I had nothing to covet, for I had all that I was now capable of enjoying; I was
lord of the whole manor; or, if I pleased, I might call myself king or emperor over
the whole country which I had possession of: there were no rivals; I had no competitor,
none to dispute sovereignty or command with me: I might have raised ship-loadings
of corn, but I had no use for it; so I let as little grow as I thought enough for
my occasion. I had tortoise or turtle enough, but now and then one was as much as
I could put to any use: I had timber enough to have built a fleet of ships; and
I had grapes enough to have made wine, or to have cured into raisins, to have loaded
that fleet when it had been built.
But all I could make use of was all that was valuable: I had enough to eat and
supply my wants, and what was all the rest to me? If I killed more flesh than I
could eat, the dog must eat it, or vermin; if I sowed more corn than I could eat,
it must be spoiled; the trees that I cut down were lying to rot on the ground; I
could make no more use of them but for fuel, and that I had no occasion for but
to dress my food.
In a word, the nature and experience of things dictated to me, upon just reflection,
that all the good things of this world are no farther good to us than they are for
our use; and that, whatever we may heap up to give others, we enjoy just as much
as we can use, and no more. The most covetous, griping miser in the world would
have been cured of the vice of covetousness if he had been in my case; for I possessed
infinitely more than I knew what to do with. I had no room for desire, except it
was of things which I had not, and they were but trifles, though, indeed, of great
use to me. I had, as I hinted before, a parcel of money, as well gold as silver,
about thirty-six pounds sterling. Alas! there the sorry, useless stuff lay; I had
no more manner of business for it; and often thought with myself that I would have
given a handful of it for a gross of tobacco-pipes; or for a hand-mill to grind
my corn; nay, I would have given it all for a sixpenny-worth of turnip and carrot
seed out of England, or for a handful of peas and beans, and a bottle of ink. As
it was, I had not the least advantage by it or benefit from it; but there it lay
in a drawer, and grew mouldy with the damp of the cave in the wet seasons; and if
I had had the drawer full of diamonds, it had been the same case - they had been
of no manner of value to me, because of no use.
I had now brought my state of life to be much easier in itself than it was at
first, and much easier to my mind, as well as to my body. I frequently sat down
to meat with thankfulness, and admired the hand of God's providence, which had thus
spread my table in the wilderness. I learned to look more upon the bright side of
my condition, and less upon the dark side, and to consider what I enjoyed rather
than what I wanted; and this gave me sometimes such secret comforts, that I cannot
express them; and which I take notice of here, to put those discontented people
in mind of it, who cannot enjoy comfortably what God has given them, because they
see and covet something that He has not given them. All our discontents about what
we want appeared to me to spring from the want of thankfulness for what we have.
Another reflection was of great use to me, and doubtless would be so to any one
that should fall into such distress as mine was; and this was, to compare my present
condition with what I at first expected it would be; nay, with what it would certainly
have been, if the good providence of God had not wonderfully ordered the ship to
be cast up nearer to the shore, where I not only could come at her, but could bring
what I got out of her to the shore, for my relief and comfort; without which, I
had wanted for tools to work, weapons for defence, and gunpowder and shot for getting
my food.
I spent whole hours, I may say whole days, in representing to myself, in the
most lively colours, how I must have acted if I had got nothing out of the ship.
How I could not have so much as got any food, except fish and turtles; and that,
as it was long before I found any of them, I must have perished first; that I should
have lived, if I had not perished, like a mere savage; that if I had killed a goat
or a fowl, by any contrivance, I had no way to flay or open it, or part the flesh
from the skin and the bowels, or to cut it up; but must gnaw it with my teeth, and
pull it with my claws, like a beast.
These reflections made me very sensible of the goodness of Providence to me,
and very thankful for my present condition, with all its hardships and misfortunes;
and this part also I cannot but recommend to the reflection of those who are apt,
in their misery, to say, "Is any affliction like mine?" Let them consider how much
worse the cases of some people are, and their case might have been, if Providence
had thought fit.
I had another reflection, which assisted me also to comfort my mind with hopes;
and this was comparing my present situation with what I had deserved, and had therefore
reason to expect from the hand of Providence. I had lived a dreadful life, perfectly
destitute of the knowledge and fear of God. I had been well instructed by father
and mother; neither had they been wanting to me in their early endeavours to infuse
a religious awe of God into my mind, a sense of my duty, and what the nature and
end of my being required of me. But, alas! falling early into the seafaring life,
which of all lives is the most destitute of the fear of God, though His terrors
are always before them; I say, falling early into the seafaring life, and into seafaring
company, all that little sense of religion which I had entertained was laughed out
of me by my messmates; by a hardened despising of dangers, and the views of death,
which grew habitual to me by my long absence from all manner of opportunities to
converse with anything but what was like myself, or to hear anything that was good
or tended towards it.
So void was I of everything that was good, or the least sense of what I was,
or was to be, that, in the greatest deliverances I enjoyed - such as my escape from
Sallee; my being taken up by the Portuguese master of the ship; my being planted
so well in the Brazils; my receiving the cargo from England, and the like - I never
had once the words "Thank God!" so much as on my mind, or in my mouth; nor in the
greatest distress had I so much as a thought to pray to Him, or so much as to say,
"Lord, have mercy upon me!" no, nor to mention the name of God, unless it was to
swear by, and blaspheme it.
I had terrible reflections upon my mind for many months, as I have already observed,
on account of my wicked and hardened life past; and when I looked about me, and
considered what particular providences had attended me since my coming into this
place, and how God had dealt bountifully with me - had not only punished me less
than my iniquity had deserved, but had so plentifully provided for me - this gave
me great hopes that my repentance was accepted, and that God had yet mercy in store
for me.
With these reflections I worked my mind up, not only to a resignation to the
will of God in the present disposition of my circumstances, but even to a sincere
thankfulness for my condition; and that I, who was yet a living man, ought not to
complain, seeing I had not the due punishment of my sins; that I enjoyed so many
mercies which I had no reason to have expected in that place; that I ought never
more to repine at my condition, but to rejoice, and to give daily thanks for that
daily bread, which nothing but a crowd of wonders could have brought; that I ought
to consider I had been fed even by a miracle, even as great as that of feeding Elijah
by ravens, nay, by a long series of miracles; and that I could hardly have named
a place in the uninhabitable part of the world where I could have been cast more
to my advantage; a place where, as I had no society, which was my affliction on
one hand, so I found no ravenous beasts, no furious wolves or tigers, to threaten
my life; no venomous creatures, or poisons, which I might feed on to my hurt; no
savages to murder and devour me. In a word, as my life was a life of sorrow one
way, so it was a life of mercy another; and I wanted nothing to make it a life of
comfort but to be able to make my sense of God's goodness to me, and care over me
in this condition, be my daily consolation; and after I did make a just improvement
on these things, I went away, and was no more sad. I had now been here so long that
many things which I had brought on shore for my help were either quite gone, or
very much wasted and near spent.
My ink, as I observed, had been gone some time, all but a very little, which
I eked out with water, a little and a little, till it was so pale, it scarce left
any appearance of black upon the paper. As long as it lasted I made use of it to
minute down the days of the month on which any remarkable thing happened to me;
and first, by casting up times past, I remembered that there was a strange concurrence
of days in the various providences which befell me, and which, if I had been superstitiously
inclined to observe days as fatal or fortunate, I might have had reason to have
looked upon with a great deal of curiosity.
First, I had observed that the same day that I broke away from my father and
friends and ran away to Hull, in order to go to sea, the same day afterwards I was
taken by the Sallee man-of-war, and made a slave; the same day of the year that
I escaped out of the wreck of that ship in Yarmouth Roads, that same day-year afterwards
I made my escape from Sallee in a boat; the same day of the year I was born on -
viz. the 30th of September, that same day I had my life so miraculously saved twenty-six
years after, when I was cast on shore in this island; so that my wicked life and
my solitary life began both on a day.
The next thing to my ink being wasted was that of my bread - I mean the biscuit
which I brought out of the ship; this I had husbanded to the last degree, allowing
myself but one cake of bread a-day for above a year; and yet I was quite without
bread for near a year before I got any corn of my own, and great reason I had to
be thankful that I had any at all, the getting it being, as has been already observed,
next to miraculous.
My clothes, too, began to decay; as to linen, I had had none a good while, except
some chequered shirts which I found in the chests of the other seamen, and which
I carefully preserved; because many times I could bear no other clothes on but a
shirt; and it was a very great help to me that I had, among all the men's clothes
of the ship, almost three dozen of shirts. There were also, indeed, several thick
watch-coats of the seamen's which were left, but they were too hot to wear; and
though it is true that the weather was so violently hot that there was no need of
clothes, yet I could not go quite naked - no, though I had been inclined to it,
which I was not - nor could I abide the thought of it, though I was alone. The reason
why I could not go naked was, I could not bear the heat of the sun so well when
quite naked as with some clothes on; nay, the very heat frequently blistered my
skin: whereas, with a shirt on, the air itself made some motion, and whistling under
the shirt, was twofold cooler than without it. No more could I ever bring myself
to go out in the heat of the sun without a cap or a hat; the heat of the sun, beating
with such violence as it does in that place, would give me the headache presently,
by darting so directly on my head, without a cap or hat on, so that I could not
bear it; whereas, if I put on my hat it would presently go away.