I saw in this, wretched though it made me, and bitter the sense ofdependence and even of degradation that it awakened - I saw inthis, that Estella was set to wreak Miss Havisham's revenge on men,and that she was not to be given to me until she had gratified itfor a term. I saw in this, a reason for her being beforehandassigned to me. Sending her out to attract and torment and domischief, Miss Havisham sent her with the malicious assurance thatshe was beyond the reach of all admirers, and that all who stakedupon that cast were secured to lose. I saw in this, that I, too,was tormented by a perversion of ingenuity, even while the prizewas reserved for me. I saw in this, the reason for my being stavedoff so long, and the reason for my late guardian's declining tocommit himself to the formal knowledge of such a scheme. In a word,I saw in this, Miss Havisham as I had her then and there before myeyes, and always had had her before my eyes; and I saw in this, thedistinct shadow of the darkened and unhealthy house in which herlife was hidden from the sun.

The candles that lighted that room of hers were placed in sconceson the wall. They were high from the ground, and they burnt withthe steady dulness of artificial light in air that is seldomrenewed. As I looked round at them, and at the pale gloom theymade, and at the stopped clock, and at the withered articles ofbridal dress upon the table and the ground, and at her own awfulfigure with its ghostly reflection thrown large by the fire uponthe ceiling and the wall, I saw in everything the construction thatmy mind had come to, repeated and thrown back to me. My thoughtspassed into the great room across the landing where the table wasspread, and I saw it written, as it were, in the falls of thecobwebs from the centre-piece, in the crawlings of the spiders onthe cloth, in the tracks of the mice as they betook their littlequickened hearts behind the panels, and in the gropings andpausings of the beetles on the floor.

It happened on the occasion of this visit that some sharp wordsarose between Estella and Miss Havisham. It was the first time Ihad ever seen them opposed.

We were seated by the fire, as just now described, and MissHavisham still had Estella's arm drawn through her own, and stillclutched Estella's hand in hers, when Estella gradually began todetach herself. She had shown a proud impatience more than oncebefore, and had rather endured that fierce affection than acceptedor returned it.

"What!" said Miss Havisham, flashing her eyes upon her, "are youtired of me?"

"Only a little tired of myself," replied Estella, disengaging herarm, and moving to the great chimney-piece, where she stood lookingdown at the fire.

"Speak the truth, you ingrate!" cried Miss Havisham, passionatelystriking her stick upon the floor; "you are tired of me."

Estella looked at her with perfect composure, and again looked downat the fire. Her graceful figure and her beautiful face expressed aself-possessed indifference to the wild heat of the other, that wasalmost cruel.

"You stock and stone!" exclaimed Miss Havisham. "You cold, coldheart!"

"What?" said Estella, preserving her attitude of indifference asshe leaned against the great chimney-piece and only moving hereyes; "do you reproach me for being cold? You?"

"Are you not?" was the fierce retort.

"You should know," said Estella. "I am what you have made me. Takeall the praise, take all the blame; take all the success, take allthe failure; in short, take me."

"O, look at her, look at her!" cried Miss Havisham, bitterly; "Lookat her, so hard and thankless, on the hearth where she was reared!Where I took her into this wretched breast when it was firstbleeding from its stabs, and where I have lavished years oftenderness upon her!"

"At least I was no party to the compact," said Estella, "for if Icould walk and speak, when it was made, it was as much as I coulddo. But what would you have? You have been very good to me, and Iowe everything to you. What would you have?"

"Love," replied the other.

"You have it."

"I have not," said Miss Havisham.

"Mother by adoption," retorted Estella, never departing from theeasy grace of her attitude, never raising her voice as the otherdid, never yielding either to anger or tenderness, "Mother byadoption, I have said that I owe everything to you. All I possessis freely yours. All that you have given me, is at your command tohave again. Beyond that, I have nothing. And if you ask me to giveyou what you never gave me, my gratitude and duty cannot doimpossibilities."

"Did I never give her love!" cried Miss Havisham, turning wildly tome. "Did I never give her a burning love, inseparable from jealousyat all times, and from sharp pain, while she speaks thus to me! Lether call me mad, let her call me mad!"

"Why should I call you mad," returned Estella, "I, of all people?Does any one live, who knows what set purposes you have, half aswell as I do? Does any one live, who knows what a steady memory youhave, half as well as I do? I who have sat on this same hearth onthe little stool that is even now beside you there, learning yourlessons and looking up into your face, when your face was strangeand frightened me!"

"Soon forgotten!" moaned Miss Havisham. "Times soon forgotten!"

"No, not forgotten," retorted Estella. "Not forgotten, buttreasured up in my memory. When have you found me false to yourteaching? When have you found me unmindful of your lessons? Whenhave you found me giving admission here," she touched her bosomwith her hand, "to anything that you excluded? Be just to me."

"So proud, so proud!" moaned Miss Havisham, pushing away her greyhair with both her hands.

"Who taught me to be proud?" returned Estella. "Who praised me whenI learnt my lesson?"

"So hard, so hard!" moaned Miss Havisham, with her former action.

"Who taught me to be hard?" returned Estella. "Who praised me whenI learnt my lesson?"

"But to be proud and hard to me!" Miss Havisham quite shrieked, asshe stretched out her arms. "Estella, Estella, Estella, to be proudand hard to me!"

Estella looked at her for a moment with a kind of calm wonder, butwas not otherwise disturbed; when the moment was past, she lookeddown at the fire again.

"I cannot think," said Estella, raising her eyes after a silence"why you should be so unreasonable when I come to see you after aseparation. I have never forgotten your wrongs and their causes. Ihave never been unfaithful to you or your schooling. I have nevershown any weakness that I can charge myself with."

"Would it be weakness to return my love?" exclaimed Miss Havisham."But yes, yes, she would call it so!"

"I begin to think," said Estella, in a musing way, after anothermoment of calm wonder, "that I almost understand how this comesabout. If you had brought up your adopted daughter wholly in thedark confinement of these rooms, and had never let her know thatthere was such a thing as the daylight by which she had never onceseen your face - if you had done that, and then, for a purpose hadwanted her to understand the daylight and know all about it, youwould have been disappointed and angry?"

Miss Havisham, with her head in her hands, sat making a lowmoaning, and swaying herself on her chair, but gave no answer.

"Or," said Estella, " - which is a nearer case - if you had taughther, from the dawn of her intelligence, with your utmost energy andmight, that there was such a thing as daylight, but that it wasmade to be her enemy and destroyer, and she must always turnagainst it, for it had blighted you and would else blight her; - ifyou had done this, and then, for a purpose, had wanted her to takenaturally to the daylight and she could not do it, you would havebeen disappointed and angry?"

Miss Havisham sat listening (or it seemed so, for I could not seeher face), but still made no answer.

"So," said Estella, "I must be taken as I have been made. Thesuccess is not mine, the failure is not mine, but the two togethermake me."

Miss Havisham had settled down, I hardly knew how, upon the floor,among the faded bridal relics with which it was strewn. I tookadvantage of the moment - I had sought one from the first - toleave the room, after beseeching Estella's attention to her, with amovement of my hand. When I left, Estella was yet standing by thegreat chimney-piece, just as she had stood throughout. MissHavisham's grey hair was all adrift upon the ground, among theother bridal wrecks, and was a miserable sight to see.

It was with a depressed heart that I walked in the starlight for anhour and more, about the court-yard, and about the brewery, andabout the ruined garden. When I at last took courage to return tothe room, I found Estella sitting at Miss Havisham's knee, takingup some stitches in one of those old articles of dress that weredropping to pieces, and of which I have often been reminded sinceby the faded tatters of old banners that I have seen hanging up incathedrals. Afterwards, Estella and I played at cards, as of yore -only we were skilful now, and played French games - and so theevening wore away, and I went to bed.

I lay in that separate building across the court-yard. It was thefirst time I had ever lain down to rest in Satis House, and sleeprefused to come near me. A thousand Miss Havishams haunted me. Shewas on this side of my pillow, on that, at the head of the bed, atthe foot, behind the half-opened door of the dressing-room, in thedressing-room, in the room overhead, in the room beneath -everywhere. At last, when the night was slow to creep on towardstwo o'clock, I felt that I absolutely could no longer bear theplace as a place to lie down in, and that I must get up. Itherefore got up and put on my clothes, and went out across theyard into the long stone passage, designing to gain the outercourt-yard and walk there for the relief of my mind. But, I was nosooner in the passage than I extinguished my candle; for, I sawMiss Havisham going along it in a ghostly manner, making a low cry.I followed her at a distance, and saw her go up the staircase. Shecarried a bare candle in her hand, which she had probably takenfrom one of the sconces in her own room, and was a most unearthlyobject by its light. Standing at the bottom of the staircase, Ifelt the mildewed air of the feast-chamber, without seeing her openthe door, and I heard her walking there, and so across into her ownroom, and so across again into that, never ceasing the low cry.After a time, I tried in the dark both to get out, and to go back,but I could do neither until some streaks of day strayed in andshowed me where to lay my hands. During the whole interval,whenever I went to the bottom of the staircase, I heard herfootstep, saw her light pass above, and heard her ceaseless lowcry.

Before we left next day, there was no revival of the differencebetween her and Estella, nor was it ever revived on any similaroccasion; and there were four similar occasions, to the best of myremembrance. Nor, did Miss Havisham's manner towards Estella inanywise change, except that I believed it to have something likefear infused among its former characteristics.

It is impossible to turn this leaf of my life, without puttingBentley Drummle's name upon it; or I would, very gladly.

On a certain occasion when the Finches were assembled in force, andwhen good feeling was being promoted in the usual manner bynobody's agreeing with anybody else, the presiding Finch called theGrove to order, forasmuch as Mr. Drummle had not yet toasted a lady;which, according to the solemn constitution of the society, it wasthe brute's turn to do that day. I thought I saw him leer in anugly way at me while the decanters were going round, but as therewas no love lost between us, that might easily be. What was myindignant surprise when he called upon the company to pledge him to"Estella!"

"Estella who?" said I.

"Never you mind," retorted Drummle.

"Estella of where?" said I. "You are bound to say of where." Whichhe was, as a Finch.

"Of Richmond, gentlemen," said Drummle, putting me out of thequestion, "and a peerless beauty."

Much he knew about peerless beauties, a mean miserable idiot! Iwhispered Herbert.

"I know that lady," said Herbert, across the table, when the toasthad been honoured.

"Do you?" said Drummle.

"And so do I," I added, with a scarlet face.

"Do you?" said Drummle. "Oh, Lord!"

This was the only retort - except glass or crockery - that theheavy creature was capable of making; but, I became as highlyincensed by it as if it had been barbed with wit, and I immediatelyrose in my place and said that I could not but regard it as beinglike the honourable Finch's impudence to come down to that Grove -we always talked about coming down to that Grove, as a neatParliamentary turn of expression - down to that Grove, proposing alady of whom he knew nothing. Mr. Drummle upon this, starting up,demanded what I meant by that? Whereupon, I made him the extremereply that I believed he knew where I was to be found.

Whether it was possible in a Christian country to get on withoutblood, after this, was a question on which the Finches weredivided. The debate upon it grew so lively, indeed, that at leastsix more honourable members told six more, during the discussion,that they believed they knew where they were to be found. However,it was decided at last (the Grove being a Court of Honour) that ifMr. Drummle would bring never so slight a certificate from the lady,importing that he had the honour of her acquaintance, Mr. Pip mustexpress his regret, as a gentleman and a Finch, for "having beenbetrayed into a warmth which." Next day was appointed for theproduction (lest our honour should take cold from delay), and nextday Drummle appeared with a polite little avowal in Estella's hand,that she had had the honour of dancing with him several times. Thisleft me no course but to regret that I had been "betrayed into awarmth which," and on the whole to repudiate, as untenable, theidea that I was to be found anywhere. Drummle and I then satsnorting at one another for an hour, while the Grove engaged inindiscriminate contradiction, and finally the promotion of goodfeeling was declared to have gone ahead at an amazing rate.

Title: Great Expectations
Author: Charles Dickens
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