'It's very gratifying, isn't it?' said Mr. Ben Allen, holding hisplate for some more minced veal.

'Oh, very,' replied Bob; 'only not quite so much so as theconfidence of patients with a shilling or two to spare would be.This business was capitally described in the advertisement, Ben.It is a practice, a very extensive practice--and that's all.'

'Bob,' said Mr. Ben Allen, laying down his knife and fork, andfixing his eyes on the visage of his friend, 'Bob, I'll tell youwhat it is.'

'What is it?' inquired Mr. Bob Sawyer.

'You must make yourself, with as little delay as possible,master of Arabella's one thousand pounds.'

'Three per cent. consolidated bank annuities, now standing inher name in the book or books of the governor and company ofthe Bank of England,' added Bob Sawyer, in legal phraseology.

'Exactly so,' said Ben. 'She has it when she comes of age, ormarries. She wants a year of coming of age, and if you pluckedup a spirit she needn't want a month of being married.'

'She's a very charming and delightful creature,' quoth Mr.Robert Sawyer, in reply; 'and has only one fault that I know of,Ben. It happens, unfortunately, that that single blemish is a wantof taste. She don't like me.'

'It's my opinion that she don't know what she does like,' saidMr. Ben Allen contemptuously.

'Perhaps not,' remarked Mr. Bob Sawyer. 'But it's my opinionthat she does know what she doesn't like, and that's of more importance.'

'I wish,' said Mr. Ben Allen, setting his teeth together, andspeaking more like a savage warrior who fed on raw wolf's fleshwhich he carved with his fingers, than a peaceable young gentlemanwho ate minced veal with a knife and fork--'I wish I knewwhether any rascal really has been tampering with her, andattempting to engage her affections. I think I should assassinatehim, Bob.'

'I'd put a bullet in him, if I found him out,' said Mr. Sawyer,stopping in the course of a long draught of beer, and lookingmalignantly out of the porter pot. 'If that didn't do his business,I'd extract it afterwards, and kill him that way.'

Mr. Benjamin Allen gazed abstractedly on his friend for someminutes in silence, and then said--

'You have never proposed to her, point-blank, Bob?'

'No. Because I saw it would be of no use,' replied Mr. RobertSawyer.

'You shall do it, before you are twenty-four hours older,'retorted Ben, with desperate calmness. 'She shall have you, or I'llknow the reason why. I'll exert my authority.'

'Well,' said Mr. Bob Sawyer, 'we shall see.'

'We shall see, my friend,' replied Mr. Ben Allen fiercely. Hepaused for a few seconds, and added in a voice broken byemotion, 'You have loved her from a child, my friend. You lovedher when we were boys at school together, and, even then, shewas wayward and slighted your young feelings. Do you recollect,with all the eagerness of a child's love, one day pressing upon heracceptance, two small caraway-seed biscuits and one sweetapple, neatly folded into a circular parcel with the leaf of acopy-book?'

'I do,' replied Bob Sawyer.

'She slighted that, I think?' said Ben Allen.

'She did,' rejoined Bob. 'She said I had kept the parcel so longin the pockets of my corduroys, that the apple was unpleasantly warm.'

'I remember,' said Mr. Allen gloomily. 'Upon which we ate itourselves, in alternate bites.'

Bob Sawyer intimated his recollection of the circumstance lastalluded to, by a melancholy frown; and the two friends remainedfor some time absorbed, each in his own meditations.

While these observations were being exchanged between Mr.Bob Sawyer and Mr. Benjamin Allen; and while the boy in thegray livery, marvelling at the unwonted prolongation of thedinner, cast an anxious look, from time to time, towards theglass door, distracted by inward misgivings regarding the amountof minced veal which would be ultimately reserved for hisindividual cravings; there rolled soberly on through the streets ofBristol, a private fly, painted of a sad green colour, drawn by achubby sort of brown horse, and driven by a surly-looking manwith his legs dressed like the legs of a groom, and his bodyattired in the coat of a coachman. Such appearances are commonto many vehicles belonging to, and maintained by, old ladies ofeconomic habits; and in this vehicle sat an old lady who was itsmistress and proprietor.

'Martin!' said the old lady, calling to the surly man, out of thefront window.

'Well?' said the surly man, touching his hat to the old lady.

'Mr. Sawyer's,' said the old lady.

'I was going there,' said the surly man.

The old lady nodded the satisfaction which this proof of thesurly man's foresight imparted to her feelings; and the surly mangiving a smart lash to the chubby horse, they all repaired toMr. Bob Sawyer's together.

'Martin!' said the old lady, when the fly stopped at the door ofMr. Robert Sawyer, late Nockemorf.

'Well?' said Martin.

'Ask the lad to step out, and mind the horse.'

'I'm going to mind the horse myself,' said Martin, laying hiswhip on the roof of the fly.

'I can't permit it, on any account,' said the old lady; 'yourtestimony will be very important, and I must take you into thehouse with me. You must not stir from my side during the wholeinterview. Do you hear?'

'I hear,' replied Martin.

'Well; what are you stopping for?'

'Nothing,' replied Martin. So saying, the surly man leisurelydescended from the wheel, on which he had been poising himselfon the tops of the toes of his right foot, and having summonedthe boy in the gray livery, opened the coach door, flung down thesteps, and thrusting in a hand enveloped in a dark wash-leatherglove, pulled out the old lady with as much unconcern in hismanner as if she were a bandbox.

'Dear me!' exclaimed the old lady. 'I am so flurried, now I havegot here, Martin, that I'm all in a tremble.'

Mr. Martin coughed behind the dark wash-leather gloves, butexpressed no sympathy; so the old lady, composing herself,trotted up Mr. Bob Sawyer's steps, and Mr. Martin followed.Immediately on the old lady's entering the shop, Mr. BenjaminAllen and Mr. Bob Sawyer, who had been putting the spirits-and-water out of sight, and upsetting nauseous drugs to take off thesmell of the tobacco smoke, issued hastily forth in a transport ofpleasure and affection.

'My dear aunt,' exclaimed Mr. Ben Allen, 'how kind of you tolook in upon us! Mr. Sawyer, aunt; my friend Mr. Bob Sawyerwhom I have spoken to you about, regarding--you know, aunt.'And here Mr. Ben Allen, who was not at the moment extraordinarilysober, added the word 'Arabella,' in what was meant to bea whisper, but which was an especially audible and distincttone of speech which nobody could avoid hearing, if anybodywere so disposed.

'My dear Benjamin,' said the old lady, struggling with a greatshortness of breath, and trembling from head to foot, 'don't bealarmed, my dear, but I think I had better speak to Mr. Sawyer,alone, for a moment. Only for one moment.'

'Bob,' said Mr. Allen, 'will you take my aunt into the surgery?'

'Certainly,' responded Bob, in a most professional voice. 'Stepthis way, my dear ma'am. Don't be frightened, ma'am. We shallbe able to set you to rights in a very short time, I have no doubt,ma'am. Here, my dear ma'am. Now then!' With this, Mr. BobSawyer having handed the old lady to a chair, shut the door,drew another chair close to her, and waited to hear detailed thesymptoms of some disorder from which he saw in perspective along train of profits and advantages.

The first thing the old lady did, was to shake her head a greatmany times, and began to cry.

'Nervous,' said Bob Sawyer complacently. 'Camphor-julep andwater three times a day, and composing draught at night.'

'I don't know how to begin, Mr. Sawyer,' said the old lady. 'Itis so very painful and distressing.'

'You need not begin, ma'am,' rejoined Mr. Bob Sawyer. 'I cananticipate all you would say. The head is in fault.'

'I should be very sorry to think it was the heart,' said the oldlady, with a slight groan.

'Not the slightest danger of that, ma'am,' replied Bob Sawyer.'The stomach is the primary cause.'

'Mr. Sawyer!' exclaimed the old lady, starting.

'Not the least doubt of it, ma'am,' rejoined Bob, lookingwondrous wise. 'Medicine, in time, my dear ma'am, would haveprevented it all.'

'Mr. Sawyer,' said the old lady, more flurried than before, 'thisconduct is either great impertinence to one in my situation, Sir,or it arises from your not understanding the object of my visit.If it had been in the power of medicine, or any foresight I couldhave used, to prevent what has occurred, I should certainly havedone so. I had better see my nephew at once,' said the old lady,twirling her reticule indignantly, and rising as she spoke.

'Stop a moment, ma'am,' said Bob Sawyer; 'I'm afraid I havenot understood you. What IS the matter, ma'am?'

'My niece, Mr. Sawyer,' said the old lady: 'your friend's sister.'

'Yes, ma'am,' said Bob, all impatience; for the old lady,although much agitated, spoke with the most tantalising deliberation,as old ladies often do. 'Yes, ma'am.'

'Left my home, Mr. Sawyer, three days ago, on a pretendedvisit to my sister, another aunt of hers, who keeps the largeboarding-school, just beyond the third mile-stone, where there isa very large laburnum-tree and an oak gate,' said the old lady,stopping in this place to dry her eyes.

'Oh, devil take the laburnum-tree, ma'am!' said Bob, quiteforgetting his professional dignity in his anxiety. 'Get on a littlefaster; put a little more steam on, ma'am, pray.'

'This morning,' said the old lady slowly--'this morning, she--'

'She came back, ma'am, I suppose,' said Bob, with greatanimation. 'Did she come back?'

'No, she did not; she wrote,' replied the old lady.

'What did she say?' inquired Bob eagerly.

'She said, Mr. Sawyer,' replied the old lady--'and it is this Iwant to prepare Benjamin's mind for, gently and by degrees; shesaid that she was-- I have got the letter in my pocket, Mr.Sawyer, but my glasses are in the carriage, and I should onlywaste your time if I attempted to point out the passage to you,without them; she said, in short, Mr. Sawyer, that she was married.''What!' said, or rather shouted, Mr. Bob Sawyer.

'Married,' repeated the old lady.

Mr. Bob Sawyer stopped to hear no more; but darting fromthe surgery into the outer shop, cried in a stentorian voice,'Ben, my boy, she's bolted!'

Mr. Ben Allen, who had been slumbering behind the counter,with his head half a foot or so below his knees, no sooner heardthis appalling communication, than he made a precipitate rushat Mr. Martin, and, twisting his hand in the neck-cloth of thattaciturn servitor, expressed an obliging intention of choking himwhere he stood. This intention, with a promptitude often theeffect of desperation, he at once commenced carrying intoexecution, with much vigour and surgical skill.

Mr. Martin, who was a man of few words and possessed butlittle power of eloquence or persuasion, submitted to thisoperation with a very calm and agreeable expression of countenance,for some seconds; finding, however, that it threatenedspeedily to lead to a result which would place it beyond his powerto claim any wages, board or otherwise, in all time to come, hemuttered an inarticulate remonstrance and felled Mr. BenjaminAllen to the ground. As that gentleman had his hands entangledin his cravat, he had no alternative but to follow him to the floor.There they both lay struggling, when the shop door opened, andthe party was increased by the arrival of two most unexpectedvisitors, to wit, Mr. Pickwick and Mr. Samuel Weller.

The impression at once produced on Mr. Weller's mind bywhat he saw, was, that Mr. Martin was hired by the establishmentof Sawyer, late Nockemorf, to take strong medicine, or to go intofits and be experimentalised upon, or to swallow poison now andthen with the view of testing the efficacy of some new antidotes,or to do something or other to promote the great science ofmedicine, and gratify the ardent spirit of inquiry burning in thebosoms of its two young professors. So, without presuming tointerfere, Sam stood perfectly still, and looked on, as if he weremightily interested in the result of the then pending experiment.Not so, Mr. Pickwick. He at once threw himself on the astonishedcombatants, with his accustomed energy, and loudly called uponthe bystanders to interpose.

This roused Mr. Bob Sawyer, who had been hitherto quiteparalysed by the frenzy of his companion. With that gentleman'sassistance, Mr. Pickwick raised Ben Allen to his feet. Mr. Martinfinding himself alone on the floor, got up, and looked about him.

'Mr. Allen,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'what is the matter, Sir?'

'Never mind, Sir!' replied Mr. Allen, with haughty defiance.

'What is it?' inquired Mr. Pickwick, looking at Bob Sawyer.'Is he unwell?'

Before Bob could reply, Mr. Ben Allen seized Mr. Pickwick bythe hand, and murmured, in sorrowful accents, 'My sister, mydear Sir; my sister.'

'Oh, is that all!' said Mr. Pickwick. 'We shall easily arrangethat matter, I hope. Your sister is safe and well, and I am here,my dear Sir, to--'

'Sorry to do anythin' as may cause an interruption to suchwery pleasant proceedin's, as the king said wen he dissolved theparliament,' interposed Mr. Weller, who had been peepingthrough the glass door; 'but there's another experiment here, sir.Here's a wenerable old lady a--lyin' on the carpet waitin' fordissection, or galwinism, or some other rewivin' and scientificinwention.'

Title: The Pickwick Papers
Author: Charles Dickens
Viewed 262656 times

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