'Let the ladies know we have come in.'

'Yes, Sir.'

Devoutly and ardently did Mr. Snodgrass wish that the ladiescould know he had come in. He ventured once to whisper,'Waiter!' through the keyhole, but the probability of the wrongwaiter coming to his relief, flashed upon his mind, together witha sense of the strong resemblance between his own situation andthat in which another gentleman had been recently found in aneighbouring hotel (an account of whose misfortunes hadappeared under the head of 'Police' in that morning's paper), hesat himself on a portmanteau, and trembled violently.

'We won't wait a minute for Perker,' said Wardle, looking athis watch; 'he is always exact. He will be here, in time, if hemeans to come; and if he does not, it's of no use waiting. Ha! Arabella!'

'My sister!' exclaimed Mr. Benjamin Allen, folding her in amost romantic embrace.

'Oh, Ben, dear, how you do smell of tobacco,' said Arabella,rather overcome by this mark of affection.

'Do I?' said Mr. Benjamin Allen. 'Do I, Bella? Well, perhapsI do.'

Perhaps he did, having just left a pleasant little smoking-partyof twelve medical students, in a small back parlour with a large fire.

'But I am delighted to see you,' said Mr. Ben Allen. 'Bless you, Bella!'

'There,' said Arabella, bending forward to kiss her brother;'don't take hold of me again, Ben, dear, because you tumble me so.'

At this point of the reconciliation, Mr. Ben Allen allowed hisfeelings and the cigars and porter to overcome him, and lookedround upon the beholders with damp spectacles.

'is nothing to be said to me?' cried Wardle, with open arms.

'A great deal,' whispered Arabella, as she received the oldgentleman's hearty caress and congratulation. 'You are a hard-hearted, unfeeling, cruel monster.'

'You are a little rebel,' replied Wardle, in the same tone, 'andI am afraid I shall be obliged to forbid you the house. People likeyou, who get married in spite of everybody, ought not to be letloose on society. But come!' added the old gentleman aloud,'here's the dinner; you shall sit by me. Joe; why, damn the boy,he's awake!'

To the great distress of his master, the fat boy was indeed in astate of remarkable vigilance, his eyes being wide open, andlooking as if they intended to remain so. There was an alacrity inhis manner, too, which was equally unaccountable; every timehis eyes met those of Emily or Arabella, he smirked and grinned;once, Wardle could have sworn, he saw him wink.

This alteration in the fat boy's demeanour originated in hisincreased sense of his own importance, and the dignity heacquired from having been taken into the confidence of theyoung ladies; and the smirks, and grins, and winks were so manycondescending assurances that they might depend upon hisfidelity. As these tokens were rather calculated to awakensuspicion than allay it, and were somewhat embarrassing besides,they were occasionally answered by a frown or shake of the headfrom Arabella, which the fat boy, considering as hints to be onhis guard, expressed his perfect understanding of, by smirking,grinning, and winking, with redoubled assiduity.

'Joe,' said Mr. Wardle, after an unsuccessful search in all hispockets, 'is my snuff-box on the sofa?'

'No, sir,' replied the fat boy.

'Oh, I recollect; I left it on my dressing-table this morning,'said Wardle. 'Run into the next room and fetch it.'

The fat boy went into the next room; and, having been absentabout a minute, returned with the snuff-box, and the palest facethat ever a fat boy wore.

'What's the matter with the boy?' exclaimed Wardle.

'Nothen's the matter with me,' replied Joe nervously.

'Have you been seeing any spirits?' inquired the old gentleman.

'Or taking any?' added Ben Allen.

'I think you're right,' whispered Wardle across the table. 'Heis intoxicated, I'm sure.'

Ben Allen replied that he thought he was; and, as that gentlemanhad seen a vast deal of the disease in question, Wardle wasconfirmed in an impression which had been hovering about hismind for half an hour, and at once arrived at the conclusion thatthe fat boy was drunk.

'Just keep your eye upon him for a few minutes,' murmuredWardle. 'We shall soon find out whether he is or not.'

The unfortunate youth had only interchanged a dozen wordswith Mr. Snodgrass, that gentleman having implored him tomake a private appeal to some friend to release him, and thenpushed him out with the snuff-box, lest his prolonged absenceshould lead to a discovery. He ruminated a little with a mostdisturbed expression of face, and left the room in search of Mary.

But Mary had gone home after dressing her mistress, and thefat boy came back again more disturbed than before.

Wardle and Mr. Ben Allen exchanged glances.'Joe!' said Wardle.

'Yes, sir.'

'What did you go away for?'

The fat boy looked hopelessly in the face of everybody attable, and stammered out that he didn't know.

'Oh,' said Wardle, 'you don't know, eh? Take this cheese toMr. Pickwick.'

Now, Mr. Pickwick being in the very best health and spirits,had been making himself perfectly delightful all dinner-time, andwas at this moment engaged in an energetic conversation withEmily and Mr. Winkle; bowing his head, courteously, in theemphasis of his discourse, gently waving his left hand to lendforce to his observations, and all glowing with placid smiles. Hetook a piece of cheese from the plate, and was on the point ofturning round to renew the conversation, when the fat boy,stooping so as to bring his head on a level with that of Mr.Pickwick, pointed with his thumb over his shoulder, and madethe most horrible and hideous face that was ever seen out of aChristmas pantomime.

'Dear me!' said Mr. Pickwick, starting, 'what a very--Eh?'He stopped, for the fat boy had drawn himself up, and was,or pretended to be, fast asleep.

'What's the matter?' inquired Wardle.

'This is such an extremely singular lad!' replied Mr. Pickwick,looking uneasily at the boy. 'It seems an odd thing to say, butupon my word I am afraid that, at times, he is a little deranged.'

'Oh! Mr. Pickwick, pray don't say so,' cried Emily andArabella, both at once.

'I am not certain, of course,' said Mr. Pickwick, amidstprofound silence and looks of general dismay; 'but his mannerto me this moment really was very alarming. Oh!' ejaculatedMr. Pickwick, suddenly jumping up with a short scream. 'I begyour pardon, ladies, but at that moment he ran some sharpinstrument into my leg. Really, he is not safe.'

'He's drunk,' roared old Wardle passionately. 'Ring the bell!Call the waiters! He's drunk.'

'I ain't,' said the fat boy, falling on his knees as his masterseized him by the collar. 'I ain't drunk.'

'Then you're mad; that's worse. Call the waiters,' said the oldgentleman.

'I ain't mad; I'm sensible,' rejoined the fat boy, beginningto cry.

'Then, what the devil did you run sharp instruments intoMr. Pickwick's legs for?' inquired Wardle angrily.

'He wouldn't look at me,' replied the boy. 'I wanted to speakto him.'

'What did you want to say?' asked half a dozen voices at once.

The fat boy gasped, looked at the bedroom door, gaspedagain, and wiped two tears away with the knuckle of each of hisforefingers.

'What did you want to say?' demanded Wardle, shaking him.

'Stop!' said Mr. Pickwick; 'allow me. What did you wish tocommunicate to me, my poor boy?'

'I want to whisper to you,' replied the fat boy.

'You want to bite his ear off, I suppose,' said Wardle. 'Don'tcome near him; he's vicious; ring the bell, and let him be takendownstairs.'

Just as Mr. Winkle caught the bell-rope in his hand, itwas arrested by a general expression of astonishment; thecaptive lover, his face burning with confusion, suddenly walkedin from the bedroom, and made a comprehensive bow to the company.

'Hollo!' cried Wardle, releasing the fat boy's collar, andstaggering back. 'What's this?'

'I have been concealed in the next room, sir, since youreturned,' explained Mr. Snodgrass.

'Emily, my girl,' said Wardle reproachfully, 'I detest meannessand deceit; this is unjustifiable and indelicate in the highestdegree. I don't deserve this at your hands, Emily, indeed!'

'Dear papa,' said Emily, 'Arabella knows--everybody hereknows--Joe knows--that I was no party to this concealment.Augustus, for Heaven's sake, explain it!'

Mr. Snodgrass, who had only waited for a hearing, at oncerecounted how he had been placed in his then distressingpredicament; how the fear of giving rise to domestic dissensionshad alone prompted him to avoid Mr. Wardle on his entrance;how he merely meant to depart by another door, but, finding itlocked, had been compelled to stay against his will. It was apainful situation to be placed in; but he now regretted it the less,inasmuch as it afforded him an opportunity of acknowledging,before their mutual friends, that he loved Mr. Wardle's daughterdeeply and sincerely; that he was proud to avow that the feelingwas mutual; and that if thousands of miles were placed betweenthem, or oceans rolled their waters, he could never for an instantforget those happy days, when first-- et cetera, et cetera.

Having delivered himself to this effect, Mr. Snodgrass bowedagain, looked into the crown of his hat, and stepped towards the door.

'Stop!' shouted Wardle. 'Why, in the name of all that's--'

'Inflammable,' mildly suggested Mr. Pickwick, who thoughtsomething worse was coming.

'Well--that's inflammable,' said Wardle, adopting the substitute;'couldn't you say all this to me in the first instance?'

'Or confide in me?' added Mr. Pickwick.

'Dear, dear,' said Arabella, taking up the defence, 'what is theuse of asking all that now, especially when you know you hadset your covetous old heart on a richer son-in-law, and are sowild and fierce besides, that everybody is afraid of you, exceptme? Shake hands with him, and order him some dinner, forgoodness gracious' sake, for he looks half starved; and pray haveyour wine up at once, for you'll not be tolerable until you havetaken two bottles at least.'

The worthy old gentleman pulled Arabella's ear, kissed herwithout the smallest scruple, kissed his daughter also with greataffection, and shook Mr. Snodgrass warmly by the hand.

'She is right on one point at all events,' said the old gentlemancheerfully. 'Ring for the wine!'

The wine came, and Perker came upstairs at the same moment.Mr. Snodgrass had dinner at a side table, and, when he haddespatched it, drew his chair next Emily, without the smallestopposition on the old gentleman's part.

The evening was excellent. Little Mr. Perker came out wonderfully,told various comic stories, and sang a serious song whichwas almost as funny as the anecdotes. Arabella was very charming,Mr. Wardle very jovial, Mr. Pickwick very harmonious,Mr. Ben Allen very uproarious, the lovers very silent, Mr. Winklevery talkative, and all of them very happy.

CHAPTER LVMr. SOLOMON PELL, ASSISTED BY A SELECT COMMITTEEOF COACHMEN, ARRANGES THE AFFAIRS OF THE ELDERMr. WELLER

'Samivel,' said Mr. Weller, accosting his son on the morning afterthe funeral, 'I've found it, Sammy. I thought it wos there.'

'Thought wot wos there?' inquired Sam.

'Your mother-in-law's vill, Sammy,' replied Mr. Weller. 'Inwirtue o' vich, them arrangements is to be made as I told you on,last night, respectin' the funs.'

'Wot, didn't she tell you were it wos?' inquired Sam.

'Not a bit on it, Sammy,' replied Mr. Weller. 'We wosa adjestin' our little differences, and I wos a-cheerin' her spiritsand bearin' her up, so that I forgot to ask anythin' about it. Idon't know as I should ha' done it, indeed, if I had rememberedit,' added Mr. Weller, 'for it's a rum sort o' thing, Sammy, to goa-hankerin' arter anybody's property, ven you're assistin' 'em inillness. It's like helping an outside passenger up, ven he's beenpitched off a coach, and puttin' your hand in his pocket, vile youask him, vith a sigh, how he finds his-self, Sammy.'

With this figurative illustration of his meaning, Mr. Wellerunclasped his pocket-book, and drew forth a dirty sheet ofletter-paper, on which were inscribed various characters crowdedtogether in remarkable confusion.

'This here is the dockyment, Sammy,' said Mr. Weller. 'I foundit in the little black tea-pot, on the top shelf o' the bar closet.She used to keep bank-notes there, 'fore she vos married,Samivel. I've seen her take the lid off, to pay a bill, many andmany a time. Poor creetur, she might ha' filled all the tea-pots inthe house vith vills, and not have inconwenienced herself neither,for she took wery little of anythin' in that vay lately, 'cept on thetemperance nights, ven they just laid a foundation o' tea to putthe spirits atop on!'

'What does it say?' inquired Sam.

'Jist vot I told you, my boy,' rejoined his parent. 'Two hundredpound vurth o' reduced counsels to my son-in-law, Samivel, andall the rest o' my property, of ev'ry kind and description votsoever,to my husband, Mr. Tony Veller, who I appint as my sole eggzekiter.'

'That's all, is it?' said Sam.

'That's all,' replied Mr. Weller. 'And I s'pose as it's all rightand satisfactory to you and me as is the only parties interested,ve may as vell put this bit o' paper into the fire.'

Title: The Pickwick Papers
Author: Charles Dickens
Viewed 262685 times

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