Here Mr. Samuel Weller, who had silently eaten his oysterswith tranquil smiles,
cried, 'Hear!' in a very loud voice.
--'Has vispered to me,' resumed his father, 'that it vould bebetter to dewote
the liquor to vishin' you success and prosperity,and thankin' you for the manner
in which you've brought thishere business through. Here's your health, sir.'
'Hold hard there,' interposed the mottled-faced gentleman,with sudden energy;
'your eyes on me, gen'l'm'n!'
Saying this, the mottled-faced gentleman rose, as did the othergentlemen. The
mottled-faced gentleman reviewed the company,and slowly lifted his hand, upon which
every man (including himof the mottled countenance) drew a long breath, and lifted
histumbler to his lips. In one instant, the mottled-faced gentlemandepressed his
hand again, and every glass was set down empty.It is impossible to describe the
thrilling effect produced by thisstriking ceremony. At once dignified, solemn, and
impressive, itcombined every element of grandeur.
'Well, gentlemen,' said Mr. Pell, 'all I can say is, that suchmarks of confidence
must be very gratifying to a professionalman. I don't wish to say anything that
might appear egotistical,gentlemen, but I'm very glad, for your own sakes, that
you cameto me; that's all. If you had gone to any low member of theprofession, it's
my firm conviction, and I assure you of it as afact, that you would have found yourselves
in Queer Streetbefore this. I could have wished my noble friend had been aliveto
have seen my management of this case. I don't say it out ofpride, but I think--
However, gentlemen, I won't trouble youwith that. I'm generally to be found here,
gentlemen, but if I'mnot here, or over the way, that's my address. You'll find my
termsvery cheap and reasonable, and no man attends more to hisclients than I do,
and I hope I know a little of my professionbesides. If you have any opportunity
of recommending me toany of your friends, gentlemen, I shall be very much obliged
toyou, and so will they too, when they come to know me. Yourhealths, gentlemen.'
With this expression of his feelings, Mr. Solomon Pell laidthree small written
cards before Mr. Weller's friends, and,looking at the clock again, feared it was
time to be walking.Upon this hint Mr. Weller settled the bill, and, issuing forth,
theexecutor, legatee, attorney, and umpires, directed their stepstowards the city.
The office of Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, of the Stock Exchange,was in a first
floor up a court behind the Bank of England; thehouse of Wilkins Flasher, Esquire,
was at Brixton, Surrey; thehorse and stanhope of Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, were
at anadjacent livery stable; the groom of Wilkins Flasher, Esquire,was on his way
to the West End to deliver some game; the clerkof Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, had
gone to his dinner; andso Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, himself, cried, 'Come in,' whenMr.
Pell and his companions knocked at the counting-house door.
'Good-morning, Sir,' said Pell, bowing obsequiously. 'We wantto make a little
transfer, if you please.'
'Oh, just come in, will you?' said Mr. Flasher. 'Sit down aminute; I'll attend
to you directly.'
'Thank you, Sir,' said Pell, 'there's no hurry. Take a chair,Mr. Weller.'
Mr. Weller took a chair, and Sam took a box, and the umpirestook what they could
get, and looked at the almanac and one ortwo papers which were wafered against the
wall, with as muchopen-eyed reverence as if they had been the finest efforts of
theold masters.
'Well, I'll bet you half a dozen of claret on it; come!' saidWilkins Flasher,
Esquire, resuming the conversation to whichMr. Pell's entrance had caused a momentary
interruption.
This was addressed to a very smart young gentleman who worehis hat on his right
whisker, and was lounging over the desk,killing flies with a ruler. Wilkins Flasher,
Esquire, was balancinghimself on two legs of an office stool, spearing a wafer-box
witha penknife, which he dropped every now and then with greatdexterity into the
very centre of a small red wafer that was stuckoutside. Both gentlemen had very
open waistcoats and veryrolling collars, and very small boots, and very big rings,
and verylittle watches, and very large guard-chains, and symmetricalinexpressibles,
and scented pocket-handkerchiefs.
'I never bet half a dozen!' said the other gentleman. 'I'll takea dozen.'
'Done, Simmery, done!' said Wilkins Flasher, Esquire.
'P. P., mind,' observed the other.
'Of course,' replied Wilkins Flasher, Esquire. Wilkins Flasher,Esquire, entered
it in a little book, with a gold pencil-case, andthe other gentleman entered it
also, in another little book withanother gold pencil-case.
'I see there's a notice up this morning about Boffer,' observedMr. Simmery. 'Poor
devil, he's expelled the house!'
'I'll bet you ten guineas to five, he cuts his throat,' said WilkinsFlasher,
Esquire.
'Done,' replied Mr. Simmery.
'Stop! I bar,' said Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, thoughtfully.'Perhaps he may hang
himself.'
'Very good,' rejoined Mr. Simmery, pulling out the goldpencil-case again. 'I've
no objection to take you that way. Say,makes away with himself.'
'Kills himself, in fact,' said Wilkins Flasher, Esquire.
'Just so,' replied Mr. Simmery, putting it down. '"Flasher--ten guineas to five,
Boffer kills himself." Within what time shallwe say?'
'A fortnight?' suggested Wilkins Flasher, Esquire.
'Con-found it, no,' rejoined Mr. Simmery, stopping for aninstant to smash a fly
with the ruler. 'Say a week.'
'Split the difference,' said Wilkins Flasher, Esquire. 'Make itten days.'
'Well; ten days,'rejoined Mr. Simmery.
So it was entered down on the little books that Boffer was tokill himself within
ten days, or Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, was tohand over to Frank Simmery, Esquire,
the sum of ten guineas;and that if Boffer did kill himself within that time, FrankSimmery,
Esquire, would pay to Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, fiveguineas, instead.
'I'm very sorry he has failed,' said Wilkins Flasher, Esquire.'Capital dinners
he gave.'
'Fine port he had too,' remarked Mr. Simmery. 'We are goingto send our butler
to the sale to-morrow, to pick up some of thatsixty-four.'
'The devil you are!' said Wilkins Flasher, Esquire. 'My man'sgoing too. Five
guineas my man outbids your man.'
'Done.'
Another entry was made in the little books, with the goldpencil-cases; and Mr.
Simmery, having by this time killed all theflies and taken all the bets, strolled
away to the Stock Exchangeto see what was going forward.
Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, now condescended to receive Mr.Solomon Pell's instructions,
and having filled up some printedforms, requested the party to follow him to the
bank, whichthey did: Mr. Weller and his three friends staring at all theybeheld
in unbounded astonishment, and Sam encounteringeverything with a coolness which
nothing could disturb.
Crossing a courtyard which was all noise and bustle, andpassing a couple of porters
who seemed dressed to match thered fire engine which was wheeled away into a corner,
theypassed into an office where their business was to be transacted,and where Pell
and Mr. Flasher left them standing for a fewmoments, while they went upstairs into
the Will Office.
'Wot place is this here?' whispered the mottled-faced gentlemanto the elder Mr.
Weller.
'Counsel's Office,' replied the executor in a whisper.
'Wot are them gen'l'men a-settin' behind the counters?' askedthe hoarse coachman.
'Reduced counsels, I s'pose,' replied Mr. Weller. 'Ain't theythe reduced counsels,
Samivel?'
'Wy, you don't suppose the reduced counsels is alive, do you?'inquired Sam, with
some disdain.
'How should I know?' retorted Mr. Weller; 'I thought theylooked wery like it.
Wot are they, then?'
'Clerks,' replied Sam.
'Wot are they all a-eatin' ham sangwidges for?' inquired his father.
''Cos it's in their dooty, I suppose,' replied Sam, 'it's a part o'the system;
they're alvays a-doin' it here, all day long!'Mr. Weller and his friends had scarcely
had a moment toreflect upon this singular regulation as connected with themonetary
system of the country, when they were rejoined by Pelland Wilkins Flasher, Esquire,
who led them to a part of thecounter above which was a round blackboard with a large
'W.' on it.
'Wot's that for, Sir?' inquired Mr. Weller, directing Pell'sattention to the
target in question.
'The first letter of the name of the deceased,' replied Pell.
'I say,' said Mr. Weller, turning round to the umpires, there'ssomethin' wrong
here. We's our letter--this won't do.'
The referees at once gave it as their decided opinion that thebusiness could
not be legally proceeded with, under the letterW., and in all probability it would
have stood over for one dayat least, had it not been for the prompt, though, at
first sight,undutiful behaviour of Sam, who, seizing his father by the skirtof the
coat, dragged him to the counter, and pinned him there,until he had affixed his
signature to a couple of instruments;which, from Mr. Weller's habit of printing,
was a work of somuch labour and time, that the officiating clerk peeled and atethree
Ribstone pippins while it was performing.
As the elder Mr. Weller insisted on selling out his portionforthwith, they proceeded
from the bank to the gate of the StockExchange, to which Wilkins Flasher, Esquire,
after a shortabsence, returned with a cheque on Smith, Payne, & Smith, forfive hundred
and thirty pounds; that being the money to whichMr. Weller, at the market price
of the day, was entitled, inconsideration of the balance of the second Mrs. Weller's
fundedsavings. Sam's two hundred pounds stood transferred to hisname, and Wilkins
Flasher, Esquire, having been paid hiscommission, dropped the money carelessly into
his coat pocket,and lounged back to his office.
Mr. Weller was at first obstinately determined on cashing thecheque in nothing
but sovereigns; but it being represented by theumpires that by so doing he must
incur the expense of a smallsack to carry them home in, he consented to receive
the amountin five-pound notes.
'My son,' said Mr. Weller, as they came out of the banking-house--'my son and
me has a wery partickler engagement thisarternoon, and I should like to have this
here bis'ness settled outof hand, so let's jest go straight avay someveres, vere
ve canhordit the accounts.'
A quiet room was soon found, and the accounts were producedand audited. Mr. Pell's
bill was taxed by Sam, and some chargeswere disallowed by the umpires; but, notwithstanding
Mr. Pell'sdeclaration, accompanied with many solemn asseverations thatthey were
really too hard upon him, it was by very many degreesthe best professional job he
had ever had, and one on which heboarded, lodged, and washed, for six months afterwards.
The umpires having partaken of a dram, shook hands anddeparted, as they had to
drive out of town that night. Mr.Solomon Pell, finding that nothing more was going
forward,either in the eating or drinking way, took a friendly leave, andSam and
his father were left alone.
'There!' said Mr. Weller, thrusting his pocket-book in his sidepocket. 'Vith
the bills for the lease, and that, there's elevenhundred and eighty pound here.
Now, Samivel, my boy, turn thehorses' heads to the George and Wulter!'
CHAPTER LVIAN IMPORTANT CONFERENCE TAKES PLACE BETWEENMr. PICKWICK AND SAMUEL
WELLER, AT WHICH HISPARENT ASSISTS--AN OLD GENTLEMAN IN A SNUFF-COLOURED SUIT ARRIVES
UNEXPECTEDLY
Mr. Pickwick was sitting alone, musing over many things, and thinkingamong other
considerations how he could best provide for the youngcouple whose present unsettled
condition was matter of constantregret and anxiety to him, when Mary stepped lightly
into the room,and, advancing to the table, said, rather hastily--
'Oh, if you please, Sir, Samuel is downstairs, and he says mayhis father see
you?'
'Surely,' replied Mr. Pickwick.
'Thank you, Sir,' said Mary, tripping towards the door again.
'Sam has not been here long, has he?' inquired Mr. Pickwick.
'Oh, no, Sir,' replied Mary eagerly. 'He has only just comehome. He is not going
to ask you for any more leave, Sir, he says.'
Mary might have been conscious that she had communicatedthis last intelligence
with more warmth than seemed actuallynecessary, or she might have observed the good-humoured
smilewith which Mr. Pickwick regarded her, when she had finishedspeaking. She certainly
held down her head, and examined thecorner of a very smart little apron, with more
closeness thanthere appeared any absolute occasion for.
'Tell them they can come up at once, by all means,' saidMr. Pickwick.
Mary, apparently much relieved, hurried away with her message.
Mr. Pickwick took two or three turns up and down the room;and, rubbing his chin
with his left hand as he did so, appearedlost in thought.
'Well, well,' said Mr. Pickwick, at length in a kind but somewhatmelancholy tone,
'it is the best way in which I could rewardhim for his attachment and fidelity;
let it be so, in Heaven'sname. It is the fate of a lonely old man, that those about
himshould form new and different attachments and leave him. I haveno right to expect
that it should be otherwise with me. No, no,'added Mr. Pickwick more cheerfully,
'it would be selfish andungrateful. I ought to be happy to have an opportunity ofproviding
for him so well. I am. Of course I am.'
Mr. Pickwick had been so absorbed in these reflections, that aknock at the door
was three or four times repeated before heheard it. Hastily seating himself, and
calling up his accustomedpleasant looks, he gave the required permission, and Sam
Wellerentered, followed by his father.