''The people are gone to afternoon service, I suppose?'' she said.
''No, my dear,'' said the old woman. '''Tis too soon for that; the bells hain't
strook out yet. They be all gone to hear the preaching in yonder barn. A ranter
preaches there between the services-an excellent, fiery, Christian man, they say.
But, Lord, I don't go to hear'n! What comes in the regular way over the pulpit is
hot enough for I.''
Tess soon went onward into the village, her footsteps echoing against the houses
as though it were a place of the dead. Nearing the central part her echoes were
intruded on by other sounds; and seeing the barn not far off the road, she guessed
these to be the utterances of the preacher.
His voice became so distinct in the still clear air that she could soon catch
his sentences, though she was on the closed side of the barn. The sermon, as might
be expected, was of the extremest antinomian type; on justification by faith, as
expounded in the theology of St Paul. This fixed idea of the rhapsodist was delivered
with animated enthusiasm, in a manner entirely declamatory, for he had plainly no
skill as a dialectician. Although Tess had not heard the beginning of the address,
she learnt what the text had been from its constant iteration-
''O FOOLISH GALATIANS, WHO HATH BEWITCHED YOU, THAT YE SHOULD NOT OBEY THE TRUTH,
BEFORE WHOSE EYES JESUS CHRIST HATH BEEN EVIDENTLY SET FORTH, CRUCIFIED AMONG YOU?''
Tess was all the more interested, as she stood listening behind, in finding that
the preacher's doctrine was a vehement form of the view of Angel's father, and her
interest intensified when the speaker began to detail his own spiritual experiences
of how he had come by those views. He had, he said, been the greatest of sinners.
He had scoffed; he had wantonly associated with the reckless and the lewd. But a
day of awakening had come, and, in a human sense, it had been brought about mainly
by the influence of a certain clergyman, whom he had at first grossly insulted;
but whose parting words had sunk into his heart, and had remained there, till by
the grace of Heaven they had worked this change in him, and made him what they saw
him.
But more startling to Tess than the doctrine had been the voice, which, impossible
as it seemed, was precisely that of Alec d'Urberville. Her face fixed in painful
suspense, she came round to the front of the barn, and passed before it. The low
winter sun beamed directly upon the great double-doored entrance on this side; one
of the doors being open, so that the rays stretched far in over the threshing-floor
to the preacher and his audience, all snugly sheltered from the northern breeze.
The listeners were entirely villagers, among them being the man whom she had seen
carrying the red paint-pot on a former memorable occasion. But her attention was
given to the central figure, who stood upon some sacks of corn, facing the people
and the door. The three o'clock sun shone full upon him, and the strange enervating
conviction that her seducer confronted her, which had been gaining ground in Tess
ever since she had heard his words distinctly, was at last established as a fact
indeed.
Phase the Sixth: The Convert
XLV
Till this moment she had never seen or heard from d'Urberville since her departure
from Trantridge.
The rencounter came at a heavy moment, one of all moments calculated to permit
its impact with the least emotional shock. But such was unreasoning memory that,
though he stood there openly and palpably a converted man, who was sorrowing for
his past irregularities, a fear overcame her, paralyzing her movement so that she
neither retreated nor advanced.
To think of what emanated from that countenance when she saw it last, and to
behold it now! … There was the same handsome unpleasantness of mien, but now he
wore neatly trimmed, old-fashioned whiskers, the sable moustache having disappeared;
and his dress was half-clerical, a modification which had changed his expression
sufficiently to abstract the dandyism from his features, and to hinder for a second
her belief in his identity.
To Tess's sense there was, just at first, a ghastly BIZARRERIE, a grim incongruity,
in the march of these solemn words of Scripture out of such a mouth. This too familiar
intonation, less than four years earlier, had brought to her ears expressions of
such divergent purpose that her heart became quite sick at the irony of the contrast.
It was less a reform than a transfiguration. The former curves of sensuousness
were now modulated to lines of devotional passion. The lip-shapes that had meant
seductiveness were now made to express supplication; the glow on the cheek that
yesterday could be translated as riotousness was evangelized today into the splendour
of pious rhetoric; animalism had become fanaticism; Paganism Paulinism; the bold
rolling eye that had flashed upon her form in the old time with such mastery now
beamed with the rude energy of a theolatry that was almost ferocious. Those black
angularities which his face had used to put on when his wishes were thwarted now
did duty in picturing the incorrigible backslider who would insist upon turning
again to his wallowing in the mire.
The lineaments, as such, seemed to complain. They had been diverted from their
hereditary connotation to signify impressions for which Nature did not intend them.
Strange that their very elevation was a misapplication, that to raise seemed to
falsify.
Yet could it be so? She would admit the ungenerous sentiment no longer. D'Urberville
was not the first wicked man who had turned away from his wickedness to save his
soul alive, and why should she deem it unnatural in him? It was but the usage of
thought which had been jarred in her at hearing good new words in bad old notes.
The greater the sinner the greater the saint; it was not necessary to dive far into
Christian history to discover that.
Such impressions as these moved her vaguely, and without strict definiteness.
As soon as the nerveless pause of her surprise would allow her to stir, her impulse
was to pass on out of his sight. He had obviously not discerned her yet in her position
against the sun.
But the moment that she moved again he recognized her. The effect upon her old
lover was electric, far stronger than the effect of his presence upon her. His fire,
the tumultuous ring of his eloquence, seemed to go out of him. His lip struggled
and trembled under the words that lay upon it; but deliver them it could not as
long as she faced him. His eyes, after their first glance upon her face, hung confusedly
in every other direction but hers, but came back in a desperate leap every few seconds.
This paralysis lasted, however, but a short time; for Tess's energies returned with
the atrophy of his, and she walked as fast as she was able past the barn and onward.
As soon as she could reflect it appalled her, this change in their relative platforms.
He who had wrought her undoing was now on the side of the Spirit, while she remained
unregenerate. And, as in the legend, it had resulted that her Cyprian image had
suddenly appeared upon his alter, whereby the fire of the priest had been well nigh
extinguished.
She went on without turning her head. Her back seemed to be endowed with a sensitiveness
to ocular beams-even her clothing-so alive was she to a fancied gaze which might
be resting upon her from the outside of that barn. All the way along to this point
her heart had been heavy with an inactive sorrow; now there was a change in the
quality of its trouble. That hunger for affection too long withheld was for the
time displaced by an almost physical sense of an implacable past which still engirdled
her. It intensified her consciousness of error to a practical despair; the break
of continuity between her earlier and present existence, which she had hoped for,
had not, after all, taken place. Bygones would never be complete bygones till she
was a bygone herself.
Thus absorbed she recrossed the northern part of Long-Ash Lane at right angles,
and presently saw before her the road ascending whitely to the upland along whose
margin the remainder of her journey lay. Its dry pale surface stretched severely
onward, unbroken by a single figure, vehicle, or mark, save some occasional brown
horse-droppings which dotted its cold aridity here and there. While slowly breasting
this ascent Tess became conscious of footsteps behind her, and turning she saw approaching
that well-known form-so strangely accoutred as the Methodist-the one personage in
all the world she wished not to encounter alone on this side of the grave.
There was not much time, however, for thought or elusion, and she yielded as
calmly as she could to the necessity of letting him overtake her. She saw that he
was excited, less by the speed of his walk than by the feelings within him.
''Tess!'' he said.
She slackened speed without looking round.
''Tess!'' he repeated. ''It is I-Alec d'Urberville.''
She then looked back at him, and he came up.
''I see it is,'' she answered coldly.
''Well-is that all? Yet I deserve no more! Of course,'' he added, with a slight
laugh, ''there is something of the ridiculous to your eyes in seeing me like this.
But-I must put up with that. … I heard you had gone away, nobody knew where. Tess,
you wonder why I have followed you?''
''I do, rather; and I would that you had not, with all my heart!''
''Yes-you may well say it,'' he returned grimly, as they moved onward together,
she with unwilling tread. ''But don't mistake me; I beg this because you may have
been led to do so in noticing-if you did notice it-how your sudden appearance unnerved
me down there. It was but a momentary faltering; and considering what you have been
to me, it was natural enough. But will helped me through it-though perhaps you think
me a humbug for saying it-and immediately afterwards I felt that of all persons
in the world whom it was my duty and desire to save from the wrath to come-sneer
if you like-the woman whom I had so grievously wronged was that person. I have come
with that sole purpose in view-nothing more.''
There was the smallest vein of scorn in her words of rejoinder: ''Have you saved
yourself? Charity begins at home, they say.''
''I have done nothing!'' said he indifferently. ''Heaven, as I have been telling
my hearers, has done all. No amount of contempt that you can pour upon me, Tess,
will equal what I have poured upon myself-the old Adam of my former years! Well,
it is a strange story; believe it or not; but I can tell you the means by which
my conversion was brought about, and I hope you will be interested enough at least
to listen. Have you ever heard the name of the parson of Emminster-you must have
done do?-old Mr Clare; one of the most earnest of his school; one of the few intense
men left in the Church; not so intense as the extreme wind of Christian believers
with which I have thrown in my lot, but quite an exception among the Established
clergy, the younger of whom are gradually attenuating the true doctrines by their
sophistries, till they are but the shadow of what they were. I only differ from
him on the question of Church and State-the interpretation of the text, 'Come out
from among them and be ye separate, saith the Lord'-that's all. He is one who, I
firmly believe, has been the humble means of saving more souls in this country than
any other man you can name. You have heard of him?''
''I have,'' she said.
''He came to Trantridge two or three years ago to preach on behalf of some missionary
society; and I, wretched fellow that I was, insulted him when, in his disinterestedness,
he tried to reason with me and show me the way. He did not resent my conduct, he
simply said that some day I should receive the first-fruits of the Spirit-that those
who came to scoff sometimes remained to pray. There was a strange magic in his words.
They sank into my mind. But the loss of my mother hit me most; and by degrees I
was brought to see daylight. Since then my one desire has been to hand on the true
view to others, and that is what I was trying to do today; though it is only lately
that I have preached hereabout. The first months of my ministry have been spent
in the North of England among strangers, where I preferred to make my earliest clumsy
attempts, so as to acquire courage before undergoing that severest of all tests
of one's sincerity, addressing those who have known one, and have been one's companions
in the days of darkness. If you could only know, Tess, the pleasure of having a
good slap at yourself, I am sure-''
''Don't go on with it!'' she cried passionately, as she turned away from him
to a stile by the wayside, on which she bent herself. ''I can't believe in such
sudden things! I feel indignant with you for talking to me like this, when you know-when
you know what harm you've done me! You, and those like you, take your fill of pleasure
on earth by making the life of such as me bitter and black with sorrow; and then
it is a fine thing, when you have had enough of that, to think of securing your
pleasure in heaven by becoming converted! Out upon such-I don't believe in you-I
hate it!''
''Tess,'' he insisted; ''don't speak so! It came to me like a jolly new idea!
And you don't believe me? What don't you believe?''
''Your conversion. Your scheme of religion.''
''Why?''
She dropped her voice. ''Because a better man than you does not believe in such.''
''What a woman's reason! Who is this better man?''
''I cannot tell you.''
''Well,'' he declared, a resentment beneath his words seeming ready to spring
out at a moment's notice, ''God forbid that I should say I am a good man-and you
know I don't say any such thing. I am new to goodness, truly; but newcomers see
furthest sometimes.''
''Yes,'' she replied sadly. ''But I cannot believe in your conversion to a new
spirit. Such flashes as you feel, Alec, I fear don't last!''