The journey to St Mungo's was quite quick as there was very little traffic
on the roads. A small trickle of witches and wizards was creeping furtively
up the otherwise deserted street to visit the hospital. Harry and the others
got out of the car, and Mundungus drove off around the corner to wait for them.
They strolled casually towards the window where the dummy in green nylon stood,
then, one by one, stepped through the glass.
The reception area looked pleasantly festive: the crystal orbs that illuminated
St Mungo's had been coloured red and gold to become gigantic, glowing Christmas
baubles; holly hung around every doorway; and shining white Christmas trees
covered in magical snow and icicles glittered in every corner, each one topped
with a gleaming gold star. It was less crowded than the last time they had been
there, although halfway across the room Harry found himself shunted aside by
a witch with a satsuma jammed up her left nostril.
'Family argument, eh?' smirked the blonde witch behind the desk. 'You're
the third I've seen today: Spell Damage, fourth floor.'
They found Mr Weasley propped up in bed with the remains of his turkey dinner
on a tray on his lap and a rather sheepish expression on his face.
'Everything all right, Arthur?' asked Mrs Weasley, after they had all greeted
Mr Weasley and handed over their presents.
'Fine, fine,' said Mr Weasley, a little too heartily. 'You - er - haven't
seen Healer Smethwyck, have you?'
'No,' said Mrs Weasley suspiciously, 'why?'
'Nothing, nothing,' said Mr Weasley airily, starting to unwrap his pile of
gifts. 'Well, everyone had a good day? What did you all get for Christmas? Oh,
Harry - this is absolutely wonderful!' For he had just opened Harry's gift of
fuse-wire and screwdrivers.
Mrs Weasley did not seem entirely satisfied with Mr Weasley's answer. As
her husband leaned over to shake Harry's hand, she peered at the bandaging under
his nightshirt.
'Arthur,' she said, with a snap in her voice like a mousetrap, 'you've had
your bandages changed. Why have you had your bandages changed a day early, Arthur?
They told me they wouldn't need doing until tomorrow.'
'What?' said Mr Weasley, looking rather frightened and pulling the bed covers
higher up his chest. 'No, no - it's nothing - it's -l-
He seemed to deflate under Mrs Weasley's piercing gaze.
'Well - now don't get upset, Molly, but Augustus Pye had an idea: he's the
Trainee Healer, you know, lovely young chap and very interested in: um: complementary
medicine: I mean, some of these old Muggle remedies: well, they're called stitches,
Molly, and they work very well on - on Muggle wounds -'
Mrs Weasley let out an ominous noise somewhere between a shriek and a snarl.
Lupin strolled away from the bed and over to the werewolf, who had no visitors
and was looking rather wistfully at the crowd around Mr Weasley; Bill muttered
something about getting himself a cup of tea and Fred and George leapt up to
accompany him, grinning.
'Do you mean to tell me,' said Mrs Weasley, her voice growing louder with
every word and apparently unaware that her fellow visitors were scurrying for
cover, 'that you have been messing about with Muggle remedies?'
'Not messing about, Molly, dear,' said Mr Weasley imploringly, 'it was just
- just something Pye and I thought we'd try - only, most unfortunately - well,
with these particular kinds of wounds - it doesn't seem to work as well as we'd
hoped -'
'Meaning?'
'Well: well, I don't know whether you know what - what stitches are?'
'It sounds as though you've been trying to sew your skin back together,'
said Mrs Weasley with a snort of mirthless laughter, 'but even you, Arthur,
wouldn't be that stupid -'
'I fancy a cup of tea, too,' said Harry, jumping to his feet.
Hermione, Ron and Ginny almost sprinted to the door with him. As it swung
closed behind them, they heard Mrs Weasley shriek, 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THAT'S
THE GENERAL IDEA?'
Typical Dad,' said Ginny, shaking her head as they set off up the corridor.
'Stitches: I ask you:'
'Well, you know, they do work well on non-magical wounds,' said Hermione
fairly. 'I suppose something in that snake's venom dissolves them or something.
I wonder where the tearoom is?'
'Fifth floor,' said Harry, remembering the sign over the welcomewitch's desk.
They walked along the corridor, through a set of double doors and found a
rickety staircase lined with more portraits of brutal-looking Healers. As they
climbed it, the various Healers called out to them, diagnosing odd complaints
and suggesting horrible remedies. Ron was seriously affronted when a medieval
wizard called out that he clearly had a bad case of spattergroit.
'And what's that supposed to be?' he asked angrily, as the Healer pursued
him through six more portraits, shoving the occupants out of the way.
'Tis a most grievous affliction of the skin, young master, that will leave
you pockmarked and more gruesome even than you are now -'
'Watch who you're calling gruesome!' said Ron, his ears turning red.
'- the only remedy is to take the liver of a toad, bind it tight about your
throat, stand naked at the full moon in a barrel of eels' eyes -'
'I have not got spattergroit!'
'But the unsightly blemishes upon your visage, young master -'
They're freckles!' said Ron furiously. 'Now get back in your own picture
and leave me alone!'
He rounded on the others, who were all keeping determinedly straight faces.
'What floor's this?'
'I think it's the fifth,' said Hermione.
'Nah, it's the fourth,' said Harry, 'one more -'
But as he stepped on to the landing he came to an abrupt halt, staring at
the small window set into the double doors that marked the start of a corridor
signposted SPELL DAMAGE. A man was peering out at them all with his nose pressed
against the glass. He had wavy blond hair, bright blue eyes and a broad vacant
smile that revealed dazzlingly white teeth.
'Blimey!' said Ron, also staring at the man.
'Oh, my goodness,' said Hermione suddenly, sounding breathless. 'Professor
Lockhart!'
Their ex-Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher pushed open the doors and
moved towards them, wearing a long lilac dressing gown.
'Well, hello there!' he said. 'I expect you'd like my autograph, would you?'
'Hasn't changed much, has he?' Harry muttered to Ginny, who grinned.
'Er - how are you, Professor?' said Ron, sounding slightly guilty. It had
been Ron's malfunctioning wand that had damaged Professor Lockhart's memory
so badly that he had landed in St Mungo's in the first place, though as Lockhart
had been attempting to permanently wipe Harry and Ron's memories at the time,
Harry's sympathy was limited.
'I'm very well indeed, thank you!' said Lockhart exuberantly, pulling a rather
battered peacock-feather quill from his pocket. 'Now, how many autographs would
you like? I can do joined-up writing now, you know!'
'Er - we don't want any at the moment, thanks,' said Ron, raising his eyebrows
at Harry, who asked, 'Professor, should you be wandering around the corridors?
Shouldn't you be in a ward?'
The smile faded slowly from Lockhart's face. For a few moments he gazed intently
at Harry, then he said, 'Haven't we met?'
'Er: yeah, we have,' said Harry. 'You used to teach us at Hogwarts, remember?'
Teach?' repeated Lockhart, looking faintly unsettled. 'Me? Did I?'
And then the smile reappeared upon his face so suddenly it was rather alarming.
Taught you everything you know, I expect, did I? Well, how about those autographs,
then? Shall we say a round dozen, you can give them to all your little friends
then and nobody will be left out!'
But just then a head poked out of a door at the far end of the corridor and
a voice called, 'Gilderoy, you naughty boy, where have you wandered off to?'
A motherly-looking Healer wearing a tinsel wreath in her hair came bustling
up the corridor, smiling warmly at Harry and the others.
'Oh, Gilderoy, you've got visitors! How lovely, and on Christmas Day, too!
Do you know, he never gets visitors, poor lamb, and I can't think why, he's
such a sweetie, aren't you?'
'We're doing autographs!' Gilderoy told the Healer with another glittering
smile. They want loads of them, won't take no for an answer! I just hope we've
got enough photographs!'
'Listen to him,' said the Healer, taking Lockhart's arm and beaming fondly
at him as though he were a precocious two-year-old. 'He was rather well known
a few years ago; we very much hope that this liking for giving autographs is
a sign that his memory might be starting to come back. Will you step this way?
He's in a closed ward, you know, he must have slipped out while I was bringing
in the Christmas presents, the door's usually kept locked: not that he's dangerous!
But,' she lowered her voice to a whisper, 'he's a bit of a danger to himself,
bless him: doesn't know who he is, you see, wanders off and can't remember how
to get back: it is nice of you to have come to see him.'
'Er,' said Ron, gesturing uselessly at the floor above, 'actually, we were
just - er -'
But the Healer was smiling expectantly at them, and Ron's feeble mutter of
'going to have a cup of tea' trailed away into nothingness. They looked at each
other helplessly, then followed Lockhart and his Healer along the corridor.
'Let's not stay long,' Ron said quietly.
The Healer pointed her wand at the door of the Janus Thickey Ward and muttered,
'Alohomora.' The door swung open and she led the way inside, keeping a firm
grasp on Gilderoys arm until she had settled him into an armchair beside his
bed.
This is our long-term residents' ward,' she informed Harry, Ron,
Hermione and Ginny in a low voice. 'For permanent spell damage, you know.
Of course, with intensive remedial potions and charms and a bit of luck, we
can produce some improvement. Gilderoy does seem to be getting back some sense
of himself; and we've seen a real improvement in Mr Bode, he seems to be regaining
the power of speech very well, though he isn't speaking any language we recognise
yet. Well, I must finish giving out the Christmas presents, I'll leave you all
to chat.'
Harry looked around. The ward bore unmistakeable signs of being a permanent
home to its residents. They had many more personal effects around their beds
than in Mr Weasley's ward; the wall around Gilderoy's headboard, for instance,
was papered with pictures of himself, all beaming toothily and waving at the
new arrivals. He had autographed many of them to himself in disjointed, childish
writing. The moment he had been deposited in his chair by the Healer, Gilderoy
pulled a fresh stack of photographs towards him, seized a quill and started
signing them all feverishly.
'You can put them in envelopes,' he said to Ginny, throwing the signed pictures
into her lap one by one as he finished them. 'I am not forgotten, you know,
no, I still receive a very great deal of fan mail: Gladys Gudgeon writes weekly:
I just wish I knew why He paused, looking faintly puzzled, then beamed again
and returned to his signing with renewed vigour. 'I suspect it is simply my
good looks:'
A sallow-skinned, mournful-looking wizard lay in the bed opposite staring
at the ceiling; he was mumbling to himself and seemed quite unaware of anything
around him. Two beds along was a woman whose entire head was covered in fur;
Harry remembered something similar happening to Hermione during their second
year, although fortunately the damage, in her case, had not been permanent.
At the far end of the ward flowery curtains had been drawn around two beds to
give the occupants and their visitors some privacy.
'Here you are, Agnes,' said the Healer brightly to the furry-faced woman,
handing her a small pile of Christmas presents. 'See, not forgotten, are you?
And your son's sent an owl to say he's visiting tonight, so that's nice, isn't
it?'
Agnes gave several loud barks.
'And look, Broderick, you've been sent a pot plant and a lovely calendar
with a different fancy Hippogriff for each month; they'll brighten things up,
won't they?' said the Healer, bustling along to the mumbling man, setting a
rather ugly plant with long, swaying tentacles on the bedside cabinet and fixing
the calendar to the wall with her wand. 'And - oh, Mrs Longbottom, are you leaving
already?'
Harry's head span round. The curtains had been drawn back from the two beds
at the end of the ward and two visitors were walking back down the aisle between
the beds: a formidable-looking old witch wearing a long green dress, a moth-eaten
fox fur and a pointed hat decorated with what was unmistakeably a stuffed vulture
and, trailing behind her looking thoroughly depressed - Neville.
With a sudden rush of understanding, Harry realised who the people in the
end beds must be. He cast around wildly for some means of distracting the others
so that Neville could leave the ward unnoticed and unquestioned, but Ron had
also looked up at the sound of the name 'Longbottom', and before Harry could
stop him had called out, 'Neville!'
Neville jumped and cowered as though a bullet had narrowly missed him.
'It's us, Neville!' said Ron brightly, getting to his feet. 'Have you seen
-? Lockhart's here! Who've you been visiting?'