"Most high and mighty senor, my name is Trifaldin of the WhiteBeard; I am squire
to the Countess Trifaldi, otherwise called theDistressed Duenna, on whose behalf
I bear a message to yourhighness, which is that your magnificence will be pleased
to grant herleave and permission to come and tell you her trouble, which is one
ofthe strangest and most wonderful that the mind most familiar withtrouble in the
world could have imagined; but first she desires toknow if the valiant and never
vanquished knight, Don Quixote of LaMancha, is in this your castle, for she has
come in quest of him onfoot and without breaking her fast from the kingdom of Kandy
to yourrealms here; a thing which may and ought to be regarded as a miracleor set
down to enchantment; she is even now at the gate of thisfortress or plaisance, and
only waits for your permission to enter.I have spoken." And with that he coughed,
and stroked down his beardwith both his hands, and stood very tranquilly waiting
for theresponse of the duke, which was to this effect: "Many days ago, worthysquire
Trifaldin of the White Beard, we heard of the misfortune ofmy lady the Countess
Trifaldi, whom the enchanters have caused to becalled the Distressed Duenna. Bid
her enter, O stupendous squire,and tell her that the valiant knight Don Quixote
of La Mancha is here,and from his generous disposition she may safely promise herself
everyprotection and assistance; and you may tell her, too, that if my aidbe necessary
it will not be withheld, for I am bound to give it to herby my quality of knight,
which involves the protection of women of allsorts, especially widowed, wronged,
and distressed dames, such asher ladyship seems to be."
On hearing this Trifaldin bent the knee to the ground, and makinga sign to the
fifer and drummers to strike up, he turned and marchedout of the garden to the same
notes and at the same pace as when heentered, leaving them all amazed at his bearing
and solemnity. Turningto Don Quixote, the duke said, "After all, renowned knight,
themists of malice and ignorance are unable to hide or obscure thelight of valour
and virtue. I say so, because your excellence has beenbarely six days in this castle,
and already the unhappy and theafflicted come in quest of you from lands far distant
and remote,and not in coaches or on dromedaries, but on foot and fasting,confident
that in that mighty arm they will find a cure for theirsorrows and troubles; thanks
to your great achievements, which arecirculated all over the known earth."
"I wish, senor duke," replied Don Quixote, "that blessedecclesiastic, who at
table the other day showed such ill-will andbitter spite against knights-errant,
were here now to see with his owneyes whether knights of the sort are needed in
the world; he wouldat any rate learn by experience that those suffering any extraordinaryaffliction
or sorrow, in extreme cases and unusual misfortunes donot go to look for a remedy
to the houses of jurists or villagesacristans, or to the knight who has never attempted
to pass thebounds of his own town, or to the indolent courtier who only seeks fornews
to repeat and talk of, instead of striving to do deeds andexploits for others to
relate and record. Relief in distress, helpin need, protection for damsels, consolation
for widows, are to befound in no sort of persons better than in knights-errant;
and Igive unceasing thanks to heaven that I am one, and regard anymisfortune or
suffering that may befall me in the pursuit of sohonourable a calling as endured
to good purpose. Let this duennacome and ask what she will, for I will effect her
relief by themight of my arm and the dauntless resolution of my bold heart."
CHAPTER XXXVII
WHEREIN IS CONTINUED THE NOTABLE ADVENTURE OF THE DISTRESSED DUENNA
The duke and duchess were extremely glad to see how readily DonQuixote fell in
with their scheme; but at this moment Sancho observed,"I hope this senora duenna
won't be putting any difficulties in theway of the promise of my government; for
I have heard a Toledoapothecary, who talked like a goldfinch, say that where duennas
weremixed up nothing good could happen. God bless me, how he hated them,that same
apothecary! And so what I'm thinking is, if all duennas,of whatever sort or condition
they may be, are plagues and busybodies,what must they be that are distressed, like
this Countess Three-skirtsor Three-tails!- for in my country skirts or tails, tails
or skirts,it's all one."
"Hush, friend Sancho," said Don Quixote; "since this lady duennacomes in quest
of me from such a distant land she cannot be one ofthose the apothecary meant; moreover
this is a countess, and whencountesses serve as duennas it is in the service of
queens andempresses, for in their own houses they are mistresses paramount andhave
other duennas to wait on them."
To this Dona Rodriguez, who was present, made answer, "My lady theduchess has
duennas in her service that might be countesses if itwas the will of fortune; 'but
laws go as kings like;' let nobody speakill of duennas, above all of ancient maiden
ones; for though I amnot one myself, I know and am aware of the advantage a maiden
duennahas over one that is a widow; but 'he who clipped us has kept thescissors.'"
"For all that," said Sancho, "there's so much to be clipped aboutduennas, so
my barber said, that 'it will be better not to stir therice even though it sticks.'"
"These squires," returned Dona Rodriguez, "are always our enemies;and as they
are the haunting spirits of the antechambers and watchus at every step, whenever
they are not saying their prayers (andthat's often enough) they spend their time
in tattling about us,digging up our bones and burying our good name. But I can tell
thesewalking blocks that we will live in spite of them, and in great housestoo,
though we die of hunger and cover our flesh, be it delicate ornot, with widow's
weeds, as one covers or hides a dunghill on aprocession day. By my faith, if it
were permitted me and time allowed,I could prove, not only to those here present,
but to all the world,that there is no virtue that is not to be found in a duenna."
"I have no doubt," said the duchess, "that my good Dona Rodriguez isright, and
very much so; but she had better bide her time for fightingher own battle and that
of the rest of the duennas, so as to crush thecalumny of that vile apothecary, and
root out the prejudice in thegreat Sancho Panza's mind."
To which Sancho replied, "Ever since I have sniffed the governorshipI have got
rid of the humours of a squire, and I don't care a wild figfor all the duennas in
the world."
They would have carried on this duenna dispute further had theynot heard the
notes of the fife and drums once more, from which theyconcluded that the Distressed
Duenna was making her entrance. Theduchess asked the duke if it would be proper
to go out to receive her,as she was a countess and a person of rank.
"In respect of her being a countess," said Sancho, before the dukecould reply,
"I am for your highnesses going out to receive her; butin respect of her being a
duenna, it is my opinion you should not stira step."
"Who bade thee meddle in this, Sancho?" said Don Quixote.
"Who, senor?" said Sancho; "I meddle for I have a right to meddle,as a squire
who has learned the rules of courtesy in the school ofyour worship, the most courteous
and best-bred knight in the wholeworld of courtliness; and in these things, as I
have heard yourworship say, as much is lost by a card too many as by a card toofew,
and to one who has his ears open, few words."
"Sancho is right," said the duke; "we'll see what the countess islike, and by
that measure the courtesy that is due to her."
And now the drums and fife made their entrance as before; and herethe author
brought this short chapter to an end and began the next,following up the same adventure,
which is one of the most notable inthe history.
CHAPTER XXXVIII
WHEREIN IS TOLD THE DISTRESSED DUENNA'S TALE OF HER MISFORTUNES
Following the melancholy musicians there filed into the garden asmany as twelve
duennas, in two lines, all dressed in ample mourningrobes apparently of milled serge,
with hoods of fine white gauze solong that they allowed only the border of the robe
to be seen.Behind them came the Countess Trifaldi, the squire Trifaldin of theWhite
Beard leading her by the hand, clad in the finest unnapped blackbaize, such that,
had it a nap, every tuft would have shown as bigas a Martos chickpea; the tail,
or skirt, or whatever it might becalled, ended in three points which were borne
up by the hands ofthree pages, likewise dressed in mourning, forming an elegantgeometrical
figure with the three acute angles made by the threepoints, from which all who saw
the peaked skirt concluded that it mustbe because of it the countess was called
Trifaldi, as though it wereCountess of the Three Skirts; and Benengeli says it was
so, and thatby her right name she was called the Countess Lobuna, because wolvesbred
in great numbers in her country; and if, instead of wolves,they had been foxes,
she would have been called the CountessZorruna, as it was the custom in those parts
for lords to takedistinctive titles from the thing or things most abundant in theirdominions;
this countess, however, in honour of the new fashion of herskirt, dropped Lobuna
and took up Trifaldi.
The twelve duennas and the lady came on at procession pace, theirfaces being
covered with black veils, not transparent ones likeTrifaldin's, but so close that
they allowed nothing to be seen throughthem. As soon as the band of duennas was
fully in sight, the duke, theduchess, and Don Quixote stood up, as well as all who
were watchingthe slow-moving procession. The twelve duennas halted and formed alane,
along which the Distressed One advanced, Trifaldin still holdingher hand. On seeing
this the duke, the duchess, and Don Quixote wentsome twelve paces forward to meet
her. She then, kneeling on theground, said in a voice hoarse and rough, rather than
fine anddelicate, "May it please your highnesses not to offer suchcourtesies to
this your servant, I should say to this your handmaid,for I am in such distress
that I shall never be able to make aproper return, because my strange and unparalleled
misfortune hascarried off my wits, and I know not whither; but it must be a long
wayoff, for the more I look for them the less I find them."
"He would be wanting in wits, senora countess," said the duke,"who did not perceive
your worth by your person, for at a glance itmay be seen it deserves all the cream
of courtesy and flower of politeusage;" and raising her up by the hand he led her
to a seat beside theduchess, who likewise received her with great urbanity. Don
Quixoteremained silent, while Sancho was dying to see the features ofTrifaldi and
one or two of her many duennas; but there was nopossibility of it until they themselves
displayed them of their ownaccord and free will.
All kept still, waiting to see who would break silence, which theDistressed Duenna
did in these words: "I am confident, most mightylord, most fair lady, and most discreet
company, that my mostmiserable misery will be accorded a reception no less dispassionatethan
generous and condolent in your most valiant bosoms, for it is onethat is enough
to melt marble, soften diamonds, and mollify thesteel of the most hardened hearts
in the world; but ere it isproclaimed to your hearing, not to say your ears, I would
fain beenlightened whether there be present in this society, circle, orcompany,
that knight immaculatissimus, Don Quixote de laManchissima, and his squirissimus
Panza."
"The Panza is here," said Sancho, before anyone could reply, "andDon Quixotissimus
too; and so, most distressedest Duenissima, youmay say what you willissimus, for
we are all readissimus to do you anyservissimus."
On this Don Quixote rose, and addressing the Distressed Duenna,said, "If your
sorrows, afflicted lady, can indulge in any hope ofrelief from the valour or might
of any knight-errant, here are mine,which, feeble and limited though they be, shall
be entirely devoted toyour service. I am Don Quixote of La Mancha, whose calling
it is togive aid to the needy of all sorts; and that being so, it is notnecessary
for you, senora, to make any appeal to benevolence, ordeal in preambles, only to
tell your woes plainly andstraightforwardly: for you have hearers that will know
how, if notto remedy them, to sympathise with them."
On hearing this, the Distressed Duenna made as though she wouldthrow herself
at Don Quixote's feet, and actually did fall before themand said, as she strove
to embrace them, "Before these feet and legs Icast myself, O unconquered knight,
as before, what they are, thefoundations and pillars of knight-errantry; these feet
I desire tokiss, for upon their steps hangs and depends the sole remedy for mymisfortune,
O valorous errant, whose veritable achievements leavebehind and eclipse the fabulous
ones of the Amadises, Esplandians, andBelianises!" Then turning from Don Quixote
to Sancho Panza, andgrasping his hands, she said, "O thou, most loyal squire that
everserved knight-errant in this present age or ages past, whosegoodness is more
extensive than the beard of Trifaldin my companionhere of present, well mayest thou
boast thyself that, in serving thegreat Don Quixote, thou art serving, summed up
in one, the wholehost of knights that have ever borne arms in the world. I conjurethee,
by what thou owest to thy most loyal goodness, that thou wiltbecome my kind intercessor
with thy master, that he speedily giveaid to this most humble and most unfortunate
countess."
To this Sancho made answer, "As to my goodness, senora, being aslong and as great
as your squire's beard, it matters very little tome; may I have my soul well bearded
and moustached when it comes toquit this life, that's the point; about beards here
below I carelittle or nothing; but without all these blandishments and prayers,I
will beg my master (for I know he loves me, and, besides, he hasneed of me just
now for a certain business) to help and aid yourworship as far as he can; unpack
your woes and lay them before us, andleave us to deal with them, for we'll be all
of one mind."