The woman was cowed and went off disconsolately, hanging her head;and the governor
said to the man, "Honest man, go home with yourmoney, and God speed you; and for
the future, if you don't want tolose it, see that you don't take it into your head
to yoke withanybody." The man thanked him as clumsily as he could and went hisway,
and the bystanders were again filled with admiration at their newgovernor's judgments
and sentences.
Next, two men, one apparently a farm labourer, and the other atailor, for he
had a pair of shears in his hand, presentedthemselves before him, and the tailor
said, "Senor governor, thislabourer and I come before your worship by reason of
this honest mancoming to my shop yesterday (for saving everybody's presence I'm
apassed tailor, God be thanked), and putting a piece of cloth into myhands and asking
me, 'Senor, will there be enough in this cloth tomake me a cap?' Measuring the cloth
I said there would. He probablysuspected- as I supposed, and I supposed right- that
I wanted to stealsome of the cloth, led to think so by his own roguery and the badopinion
people have of tailors; and he told me to see if there wouldhe enough for two. I
guessed what he would be at, and I said 'yes.'He, still following up his original
unworthy notion, went on addingcap after cap, and I 'yes' after 'yes,' until we
got as far as five.He has just this moment come for them; I gave them to him, but
hewon't pay me for the making; on the contrary, he calls upon me topay him, or else
return his cloth."
"Is all this true, brother?" said Sancho.
"Yes," replied the man; "but will your worship make him show thefive caps he
has made me?"
"With all my heart," said the tailor; and drawing his hand fromunder his cloak
he showed five caps stuck upon the five fingers of it,and said, "there are the caps
this good man asks for; and by God andupon my conscience I haven't a scrap of cloth
left, and I'll let thework be examined by the inspectors of the trade."
All present laughed at the number of caps and the novelty of thesuit; Sancho
set himself to think for a moment, and then said, "Itseems to me that in this case
it is not necessary to deliverlong-winded arguments, but only to give off-hand the
judgment of anhonest man; and so my decision is that the tailor lose the makingand
the labourer the cloth, and that the caps go to the prisoners inthe gaol, and let
there be no more about it."
If the previous decision about the cattle dealer's purse excited theadmiration
of the bystanders, this provoked their laughter; however,the governor's orders were
after all executed. All this, having beentaken down by his chronicler, was at once
despatched to the duke,who was looking out for it with great eagerness; and here
let us leavethe good Sancho; for his master, sorely troubled in mind byAltisidora's
music, has pressing claims upon us now.
CHAPTER XLVI
OF THE TERRIBLE BELL AND CAT FRIGHT THAT DON QUIXOTE GOT IN THECOURSE OF THE
ENAMOURED ALTISIDORA'S WOOING
We left Don Quixote wrapped up in the reflections which the music ofthe enamourned
maid Altisidora had given rise to. He went to bedwith them, and just like fleas
they would not let him sleep or get amoment's rest, and the broken stitches of his
stockings helped them.But as Time is fleet and no obstacle can stay his course,
he cameriding on the hours, and morning very soon arrived. Seeing which DonQuixote
quitted the soft down, and, nowise slothful, dressed himselfin his chamois suit
and put on his travelling boots to hide thedisaster to his stockings. He threw over
him his scarlet mantle, puton his head a montera of green velvet trimmed with silver
edging,flung across his shoulder the baldric with his good trenchant sword,took
up a large rosary that he always carried with him, and with greatsolemnity and precision
of gait proceeded to the antechamber where theduke and duchess were already dressed
and waiting for him. But as hepassed through a gallery, Altisidora and the other
damsel, her friend,were lying in wait for him, and the instant Altisidora saw him
shepretended to faint, while her friend caught her in her lap, andbegan hastily
unlacing the bosom of her dress.
Don Quixote observed it, and approaching them said, "I know verywell what this
seizure arises from."
"I know not from what," replied the friend, "for Altisidora is thehealthiest
damsel in all this house, and I have never heard hercomplain all the time I have
known her. A plague on all theknights-errant in the world, if they be all ungrateful!
Go away, SenorDon Quixote; for this poor child will not come to herself again solong
as you are here."
To which Don Quixote returned, "Do me the favour, senora, to let alute be placed
in my chamber to-night; and I will comfort this poormaiden to the best of my power;
for in the early stages of love aprompt disillusion is an approved remedy;" and
with this he retired,so as not to be remarked by any who might see him there.
He had scarcely withdrawn when Altisidora, recovering from herswoon, said to
her companion, "The lute must be left, for no doubt DonQuixote intends to give us
some music; and being his it will not bebad."
They went at once to inform the duchess of what was going on, and ofthe lute
Don Quixote asked for, and she, delighted beyond measure,plotted with the duke and
her two damsels to play him a trick thatshould be amusing but harmless; and in high
glee they waited fornight, which came quickly as the day had come; and as for the
day, theduke and duchess spent it in charming conversation with Don Quixote.
When eleven o'clock came, Don Quixote found a guitar in his chamber;he tried
it, opened the window, and perceived that some persons werewalking in the garden;
and having passed his fingers over the frets ofthe guitar and tuned it as well as
he could, he spat and cleared hischest, and then with a voice a little hoarse but
full-toned, he sangthe following ballad, which he had himself that day composed:
Mighty Love the hearts of maidensDoth unsettle and perplex,And the instrument
he usesMost of all is idleness.
Sewing, stitching, any labour,Having always work to do,To the poison Love instillethIs
the antidote most sure.
And to proper-minded maidensWho desire the matron's nameModesty's a marriage
portion,Modesty their highest praise.
Men of prudence and discretion,Courtiers gay and gallant knights,With the wanton
damsels dally,But the modest take to wife.There are passions, transient, fleeting,Loves
in hostelries declar'd,Sunrise loves, with sunset ended,When the guest hath gone
his way.
Love that springs up swift and sudden,Here to-day, to-morrow flown,Passes, leaves
no trace behind it,Leaves no image on the soul.
Painting that is laid on paintingMaketh no display or show;Where one beauty's
in possessionThere no other can take hold.
Dulcinea del TobosoPainted on my heart I wear;Never from its tablets, never,Can
her image be eras'd.
The quality of all in loversMost esteemed is constancy;'T is by this that love
works wonders,This exalts them to the skies.
Don Quixote had got so far with his song, to which the duke, theduchess, Altisidora,
and nearly the whole household of the castle werelistening, when all of a sudden
from a gallery above that wasexactly over his window they let down a cord with more
than ahundred bells attached to it, and immediately after that dischargeda great
sack full of cats, which also had bells of smaller size tiedto their tails. Such
was the din of the bells and the squalling of thecats, that though the duke and
duchess were the contrivers of the jokethey were startled by it, while Don Quixote
stood paralysed with fear;and as luck would have it, two or three of the cats made
their wayin through the grating of his chamber, and flying from one side to theother,
made it seem as if there was a legion of devils at large in it.They extinguished
the candles that were burning in the room, andrushed about seeking some way of escape;
the cord with the large bellsnever ceased rising and falling; and most of the people
of the castle,not knowing what was really the matter, were at their wits' end withastonishment.
Don Quixote sprang to his feet, and drawing his sword,began making passes at the
grating, shouting out, "Avaunt, malignantenchanters! avaunt, ye witchcraft-working
rabble! I am Don Quixoteof La Mancha, against whom your evil machinations avail
not nor haveany power." And turning upon the cats that were running about theroom,
he made several cuts at them. They dashed at the grating andescaped by it, save
one that, finding itself hard pressed by theslashes of Don Quixote's sword, flew
at his face and held on to hisnose tooth and nail, with the pain of which he began
to shout hisloudest. The duke and duchess hearing this, and guessing what itwas,
ran with all haste to his room, and as the poor gentleman wasstriving with all his
might to detach the cat from his face, theyopened the door with a master-key and
went in with lights andwitnessed the unequal combat. The duke ran forward to part
thecombatants, but Don Quixote cried out aloud, "Let no one take him fromme; leave
me hand to hand with this demon, this wizard, thisenchanter; I will teach him, I
myself, who Don Quixote of La Manchais." The cat, however, never minding these threats,
snarled and heldon; but at last the duke pulled it off and flung it out of the window.Don
Quixote was left with a face as full of holes as a sieve and anose not in very good
condition, and greatly vexed that they did notlet him finish the battle he had been
so stoutly fighting with thatvillain of an enchanter. They sent for some oil of
John's wort, andAltisidora herself with her own fair hands bandaged all the woundedparts;
and as she did so she said to him in a low voice. "All thesemishaps have befallen
thee, hardhearted knight, for the sin of thyinsensibility and obstinacy; and God
grant thy squire Sancho mayforget to whip himself, so that that dearly beloved Dulcinea
ofthine may never be released from her enchantment, that thou mayestnever come to
her bed, at least while I who adore thee am alive."
To all this Don Quixote made no answer except to heave deep sighs,and then stretched
himself on his bed, thanking the duke and duchessfor their kindness, not because
he stood in any fear of thatbell-ringing rabble of enchanters in cat shape, but
because herecognised their good intentions in coming to his rescue. The duke andduchess
left him to repose and withdrew greatly grieved at theunfortunate result of the
joke; as they never thought the adventurewould have fallen so heavy on Don Quixote
or cost him so dear, forit cost him five days of confinement to his bed, during
which he hadanother adventure, pleasanter than the late one, which hischronicler
will not relate just now in order that he may turn hisattention to Sancho Panza,
who was proceeding with great diligence anddrollery in his government.
CHAPTER XLVII
WHEREIN IS CONTINUED THE ACCOUNT OF HOW SANCHO PANZA CONDUCTEDHIMSELF IN HIS
GOVERNMENT
The history says that from the justice court they carried Sanchoto a sumptuous
palace, where in a spacious chamber there was a tablelaid out with royal magnificence.
The clarions sounded as Sanchoentered the room, and four pages came forward to present
him withwater for his hands, which Sancho received with great dignity. Themusic
ceased, and Sancho seated himself at the head of the table,for there was only that
seat placed, and no more than one coverlaid. A personage, who it appeared afterwards
was a physician,placed himself standing by his side with a whalebone wand in his
hand.They then lifted up a fine white cloth covering fruit and a greatvariety of
dishes of different sorts; one who looked like a studentsaid grace, and a page put
a laced bib on Sancho, while another whoplayed the part of head carver placed a
dish of fruit before him.But hardly had he tasted a morsel when the man with the
wand touchedthe plate with it, and they took it away from before him with theutmost
celerity. The carver, however, brought him another dish, andSancho proceeded to
try it; but before he could get at it, not tosay taste it, already the wand had
touched it and a page had carriedit off with the same promptitude as the fruit.
Sancho seeing thiswas puzzled, and looking from one to another asked if this dinnerwas
to be eaten after the fashion of a jugglery trick.
To this he with the wand replied, "It is not to be eaten, senorgovernor, except
as is usual and customary in other islands wherethere are governors. I, senor, am
a physician, and I am paid asalary in this island to serve its governors as such,
and I have amuch greater regard for their health than for my own, studying day andnight
and making myself acquainted with the governor's constitution,in order to be able
to cure him when he falls sick. The chief thingI have to do is to attend at his
dinners and suppers and allow himto eat what appears to me to be fit for him, and
keep from him whatI think will do him harm and be injurious to his stomach; andtherefore
I ordered that plate of fruit to be removed as being toomoist, and that other dish
I ordered to he removed as being too hotand containing many spices that stimulate
thirst; for he who drinksmuch kills and consumes the radical moisture wherein life
consists."
"Well then," said Sancho, "that dish of roast partridges therethat seems so savoury
will not do me any harm."
To this the physician replied, "Of those my lord the governorshall not eat so
long as I live."
"Why so?" said Sancho.
"Because," replied the doctor, "our master Hippocrates, the polestarand beacon
of medicine, says in one of his aphorisms omnis saturatiomala, perdicis autem pessima,
which means 'all repletion is bad, butthat of partridge is the worst of all."
"In that case," said Sancho, "let senor doctor see among thedishes that are on
the table what will do me most good and least harm,and let me eat it, without tapping
it with his stick; for by thelife of the governor, and so may God suffer me to enjoy
it, but I'mdying of hunger; and in spite of the doctor and all he may say, todeny
me food is the way to take my life instead of prolonging it."